A Beautiful Moment

I had to have blood work done yesterday, then I had a physical.

I am going to be the world's worst patient as I age and my health deteriorates. I despise going to the doctor. I despise hospitals. I despise doctors offices.

I am already becoming quite outspoken when I deal with these people.

It all depresses me as I look around me and see people my age and older who are just decrepit. Walkers, canes, wheelchairs, oxygen masks. This is what is in front of me and it worries me. It is fucking unavoidable. I hate anything I can't control.

I was out of the house for three hours yesterday, back and forth to Concord. Got back home around 1:00.

Carol had a 4:00 appointment in Manchester in yet another new situation. Speech therapy. I've said it before, I'll say it again - it breaks my heart to watch what she is going through. Breaks my fucking heart.

This was her first appointment. In the old days I would have said you are on your own, baby. I would have stayed home and used the quiet time to drink whiskey and punch myself in the face.

I suspected she was not happy about heading down there, so when I got home from my appointments I told her I would go with her.

She was grateful.

Found the joint, got her inside and registered, then told her I was going to my car to take a nap. I had enough of doctors' offices yesterday.

Rolled down all the windows, opened the sun roof, pushed my seat back and chilled.

On a perfect day. Absolutely gorgeous. Warm. A beautiful breeze drifting through the car.

I did sleep a little. When I awoke I sat there and appreciated the beauty of that moment. I could not have been more at peace. The grounds were beautiful, much wooded; the weather was so perfect, the breeze so gentle.

Carol's appointment lasted over an hour. I had a lot of time to enjoy my situation. I felt zero stress. Did not worry about anything. I surrendered to the moment perfectly.

She came out happy, which is good because that moment is always a hold my breath moment for me. She is not happy about everything. But the appointment went well and she can do the therapy virtually. No rides to Manchester.

We went home.

That moment fed me. It is in my head now, still doing me some good.

Keeping it simple ,baby.