Back To Square One

 I recently got over the hump.

A hump that has been torturing me for a very long time. Getting over it was no mean feat.

I finally got my brain to understand that although my life is not even close to what it should have been, I am now 66 years old and not in a hopeless situation. In fact we are one big step from masterminding our own liberation.

We have been very lucky recently. I landed the city job in September, a good paying job with delightful hours. Two and 1/2 days on. 4 and 1/2 days off. When the world fell apart I reaped the benefits of generous unemployment for four months, and Carol never lost her job. They called me back in the middle of July, two weeks before President Fuckstick and his corrupt republican senate cut off the federally funded unemployment benefit.

Not a bad deal. Timing, baby - timing.

Then Covid-19 reared its ugly head in the office where I work. I have been exposed to it. We've been tested and now we wait for results. 

And I am back to square one.

I will have to go back to work in that very same office. I have no choice. An office where a certain number of employees don't take the coronavirus seriously. I don't know this for a fact but it is easily surmised by conversations I have overheard. Conversations shitting on Biden and still, STILL, shitting on Hillary Clinton. And liberals.

No choice. That is the key to my horror. I have no choice because of bad decisions, non decisions, mistakes and wrong turns, and laziness over my lifetime. Had I lived up to my potential Carol and I would be fully retired and would not have to do anything.

We would be safe and protected.

My anger has been refreshed. I am furious at myself for not taking life seriously. I fucked up big time.

And now I have to go back to work in a dangerous environment because we need the money.

We have to get this house off our backs, I have to get this job off my back. Those two things are interrelated. When the house goes, the job goes. 

But nothing is guaranteed. If Fuckstick gets re-elected and continues to destroy the country and the economy we might only be able get $14 for the house.

And then Carol and I are condemned to work until we die. 

And that I will not do.