Football

Yesterday was the culmination of the slow return to sports for me.

Football.

Of course I watched the Chiefs and the Texans on Thursday night, Game 1 of the 2020 season. That was inevitable. Had to juice up my desire. But yesterday was THE PATS.

It all started months ago with NASCAR. It came back and I watched it with fresh eyes. Loved it. Then hockey and baseball and basketball (I don't remember the order and it doesn't matter). Golf, tennis and football.

One day weeks ago I watched Formula 1 racing in the morning, the Bruins at noon, Red Sox later on and NASCAR after that. Spectacular.

The weirdness keeps me on edge. The safety protocols, athletes opting out, the bubbles, cardboard cut-out fans, virtual fans. 

No fans. I hate that the most. No fans. It's like a neon sign flashing Covid-19, Covid-19, Covid-19.

Watched the Kentucky Derby last weekend. No fans. Are you kidding me? A sport with the maximum amount of pageantry and tradition and there was no one in the stands. That really got to me.

Point is thank fucking Christ for sports, but you cannot get away from the state of the world today no matter how hard you try. Relentless gloom and doom.

It took me a full quarter to get my shit together watching THE PATS yesterday. Could not focus after all the pre-game anti-racism focus and the no fans thing. Add to that my lifelong love of football and gratefulness that it is back and my mind and emotions were erratic.

But from the second quarter on I was one happy little boy.

Such a sweet escape. Watching a game that I love, a game I can lose myself in for 3 hours. The value of that has increased exponentially in this fucked up world.

Watched a chunk of The Buccaneers game too. I have forgiven Tom Brady. He has the right to live his life. I don't think he was happy in New England towards the end. But there was an evil piece of my brain that enjoyed seeing him fail yesterday.

I will never be the passive good boy you want me to be.

I am watching sports warily. I don't trust this world. I did not think baseball was gonna make it, but they have gotten this far. I don't think football is gonna make it but I hope I am wrong.

Therefore the intensity of my focus is amplified. I do not take these games for granted. It could all go away again.

Shit, I have watched a ton of Red Sox games with Carol and they suck. But I still dig it.

Sports is back. I am shooting that good stuff directly into my veins.

Football is back. The ultimate salve for my wounded soul.