Drawing A Line In The Sand

August 1, 2021.

Write the date down.

I have a new policy - I will write nothing in here that reeks of whining.

You have heard this all before so I don't fault your incredulous disbelief. If I don't follow through, feel free to shoot me in the face. I won't mind.

I have had enough of myself.

I put some work into self-improvement in 2021 with an eye towards rescuing my life. I really didn't accomplish much, other than to make me feel better about myself. That ain't half bad, but I am in a place in my life where I need concrete change; measurable forward momentum. The clock is ticking so loud I cannot hear myself think.

I thought I was documenting solid progress in here, talking about everything I was doing, changes I was making. Looking back, all it amounts to is more whining. 7 straight months of whining.

Actually, it is much worse than that. I have established a solid record of whining since I began this blog in 2011. 10 consecutive years of pissing and moaning.

It is even worse than that. I have whined my life away. 

Instead of making necessary changes in my life to make me happy, I sat in dark corners and beat myself up. Not very productive. Obviously.

Last week, the brother-in-law of a woman I work with was diagnosed with cancer and told he had 2 to 4 months to live. Months. Two to four years if he undergoes chemo.

Weeks back, Carol retired. 

A guy I work with is retiring at the end of this month after working 30 years for the City of Concord. Of course that is all he talks about and he is all smiles. 

This past Monday I found out my five closest friends going back to high school days are all retired.

I feel like a boxer who gets rocked with a left hook, gets wobbly and then leans into a solid right knock out punch.

I am done with my wimpy bullshit.

In 2021 I have been focusing on 5 things I felt would allow me to reclaim my soul. After getting up off the canvas, I have whittled it down to two, 1 of which wasn't even included in The Big Five.

1) I will do everything in my power to repair and sell this house.

2) I will exercise like a motherfucker.

#1 is my ticket to retirement. #2 is a response to the fact that hormone therapy has been kicking my ass.

Those are my two priorities every day when I get out of bed from now on. Period.

Anthing else beneficial I can do for myself above and beyond those two obsessions is frosting on the cake. 

I probably won't post in here as frequently as I have in the past. How could I? I suspect the "no whining" stipulation is going to cramp my style for a while. 

Judge me any way you want. I have given you ample ammunition over the years to justify you laughing at me. And I realize you could rightfully tag this post as whining. 

I have identified "life or death" situations in here before. From a certain perspective I was wrong, from a certain perspective I was right. Short term vs long term.

Here I am again. My mind is reeling and my body is betraying me.

A line in the sand.