The last time I flew was over 20 years ago.
I formed impressions from that trip, and from flights we took on our honeymoon - way back in ancient times - 1978.
My impressions were confirmed, all these years later.
Airline employees look down on travelers as sheep. Unless, of course, you are flying first class. Then they pamper you and kiss your ass (so I have heard).
The people in airports are rude, and quick to answer questions with not enough information. They board you like sheep - in groups of descending importance. The last to board have to fight for overhead bin availability.
On one of our flights, in the terminal, they badgered and bribed people to switch from carry-on bags to checking them through because "the flight was full and there would not be enough overhead bins."
Are you fucking kidding me? They can't figure this shit out in advance?
At first they offered people a $900 voucher to do so; they eventually upped it to $1,000. And they actually got on the mic one last time and said - in aggravation - we need one more person to check their carry-on bag. We will not begin the boarding process until someone steps up.
Fuck you.
Phil made the travel arrangements - he is a traveler, I am not.
The trip down was bearable because he purchased some kind of upgraded tickets. These allowed us to board with the first group and to leave the plane with the first group. Plenty of overhead bin availability, and only two seats side by side. Critical for bathroom trips and elbow room.
Plus a complimentary drink. I had a mini-bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. How sophisticated (they had no whiskey).
The service during the flight cracks me up. Along with the wine I got to enjoy a tiny, little bag of Cheez-Its. How exotic.
Flight attendants must feel like idiots. They are nothing but glorified waitstaff. Given the privilege of handing out tiny, little bags of Cheez-Its and other demeaning snacks to people who accept them like children.
They try to exude pleasantness but condescension drips through, having done this 50,000 times previously.
When you leave the plane, even the "thank you for traveling with us" bullshit comes across as quite jaded. They have a bored and sarcastic look in their eyes.
Then there is the cult of "The Pilot." A flight attendant announces: "Today you will be flying with Captain Willard Mosely, and his Senior First Officer John Jenkins." Spoken with muted respect.
Eventually the captain comes on "from the flight deck" (very impressive) to tell us we have reached cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, we are traveling at 500 mph, we will land 15 minutes early and the weather is..............., so sit back and enjoy the flight."
What's to enjoy? It is cramped and uncomfortable. My ass hurt, both ways. And he doesn't tell you anything you can't get off your phone or the video screen on the back of the seat in front of you.
The video screen is an improvement over olden days. Showtime, Netflix, News, movies, TV shows - take your pick. I have wanted to check out a show called "Billions" so I watched an episode. Loved it; now I am watching it at home.
The return flight sucked.
We traveled like commoners - no special tickets, seats three across. I got the dreaded middle seat. We boarded last, got off the plane last. Uncomfortable, cramped and boring. It truly sucked.
We talked about doing Austin next year. I will not fly like a commoner. I will pay whatever I have to, to get special consideration. Whatever it takes to sand the rough edges off the boredom, discomfort and disrespect of travel.
Maybe we'll room with Matthew McConaughey. I imagine that would be fun.
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