Here I Go, Turn The Page

When the going gets tough........................

Here I go. Turned a corner. Today is Monday. Thursday looms.

I have been battling back negative thoughts, fighting hard, because I refuse to ruin these last 3 days of vacation.

What an amazing run this has been. Peace, quiet, reading, Carol, Emmy Lou, Patsy, Nashville. A specacular break no matter how you look at it.

On the most basic level I have decided to return to the grind with a swagger. 

The Big Boss Man tries to manage through intimidation. A career military guy, this is all he knows. Ridiculous volume when he speaks, cutting people off in mid-sentence, always pretending that he knows everything.

I have tried various approaches to deal with this up to now. I don't respond well to his approach, so shortly before I went on vacation my response degenerated to contempt. Open contempt. There was a palpable tension between me and Big Boss Man. Not an intelligent recipe for survival.

Beginning on Thursday I will fall back on self-confidence born of self-knowledge. Period. No attitude.

I know in my heart that I have done the best job I possibly can with this job. Quite possibly for the first time in my life.

I recognized on Day One that I better know what I am doing because I am on the front lines - phones, walk-in business - I am the first contact in every situation. There are a LOT of situations.

So I dug in and learned the job. My efforts were openly recognized after being furloughed for 4 months. When I was home, I continuously reviewed my notes. Stayed current. When I returned to work I was told "Wow, it's like you never left."

I know I have done the best I can do. 

Two things I will not tolerate - condescension and intimidation. But I will not respond with antagonism - I will respond confidently and professionally.

I have got it into my head that when I get back Big Boss Man is going to try to break me into the submissive ass-licker that he prefers. Not sure why I feel this way but the thought lingers.

If for any reason he tries to make my life unbearable, I will leave. We have money in the bank and can survive for a while.

I hope Carol does not read this.

This is where I sit. This is what I am thinking.

I have had 16 days to think about this with 3 more to go. 19 days to allow wounds to heal. 19 days to rearrange my thought process. 19 days of peace. Rest. Exercise. Perspective re-adjustment.

I feel pretty good. I feel different.

Thursday looms. As a test. As hard as calculus.

Until then I will stockpile more peace and determination.

Arrows in the quiver.