Nothing Is Ever As It Seems

Kind of went back in history to explore a little bit of Primal Therapy. Also known as Primal Scream Therapy.

What got me there was looking back at John Lennon's first solo album.

Most of what is on there came about as a result of John and Yoko's immersion in Primal Therapy. The album is so raw, so open and emotional that if you have been numbed by life in this world you would not even be able to hear it.

Primal Therapy, originated by Dr. Arthur Janov, is a trauma based psychotherapy that argues that neuroses are the result of the repressed pain of childhood trauma.

It was quite fashionable in the 70's.

Sessions would guide people back to their childhood, sometimes simply by asking them to repeat the words mommy and daddy over and over again until repressed emotions surfaced with a vengeance. Often accompanied by a wail or flat out screaming.

Listen to "Mother" on "John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band." You will understand.

Childhood trauma, by the way, is not strictly defined by physical abuse. It could be as simple as a perception of a lack of love from parent to child, or feelings of inadequacy instilled in the child by the parent.

The theory was that by going back and rediscovering these emotions and expressing them so intensely, the source could be recognized and dealt with.

This always made sense to me. That's why I waited 44 years to reconsider it.

When I was seeing the shrink, I dug him up to a point. But there were small signs that maybe his advice would not suffice.

The most eye opening one was when he tried to tell me that if I adopt some sort of more positive attitude toward work, it will not rip me apart so savagely.

That's like telling someone that if you put the right spin on it, having ice picks jabbed directly into your eyeballs might not be as bad as you would expect.

Part of the problem might have been, as I reflect in hindsight, that I was not completely honest with him about just how dark my life is. I may not have conveyed just how vicious and soul sucking my job is to me. How I cannot manage it under any circumstance or thought process.

I told him I was desperately seeking another job - ANY job - to escape this hated environment. He told me I was avoiding the problem and should just deal with the situation at hand.

His advice would be right - both about the attitude and the escape plans - if I could function in my present situation.

I cannot.

The last two days have been sale change days. Lot of pressure. I flipped out pretty good yesterday.

Haven't seen the dude in months. Not because I don't want to. More because I am being pushed so far over the edge right now that I have to concentrate ferociously just to remember how to wipe my ass efficiently. Never mind making and keeping appointments.

When I do get back to him I am going to lay all the poison right down on the line and ask if he can handle it.

He'll probably recommend electro-shock therapy. Or lobotomy.

Primal Therapy sounds good to me. Screaming sounds like good therapy.

However the theory has been largely discredited. Others in the psychiatric community claim there have not been enough conclusive results to prove the therapy works. Some say that cathartic discharge only provides temporary relief.

Janov believes that neuroses is the result of suppressed pain, which is the result of trauma, usually childhood trauma. He believes that by confronting their trauma, the patient can relive the original incident or situation and can express the emotions that occurred at that time, thereby resolving the trauma.

Who's right?

I don't know.

And therein lies the problem.