Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Who Am I?

Rolled out of bed this morning at 7:30 and sweated my way into the bathroom.

However, when I descended the stairs I was in for a big surprise - it was at least a hundred degrees cooler. I was not prepared for this.

And my body and mind exulted.

Typically heat is what gets me off - even humidity up to a point does not derail me. However, the last week or so the heat and humidity has been consistently oppressive to the point of melting my optimism and ambition.

Been doing a lot of lying around. The exercise schedule has taken a hit - it's tough to convince yourself to jump on the recumbent exercise bike when it is already 70 degrees and humid at 10:00 a.m.

As a result I now weigh 235 pounds.

But today I am exultant. Today I am ambitious.

So what does this mean? Have I been lying to myself and the world about my love of heat?


I am sitting on the porch as I write, shivering so badly my knees are knocking; spellcheck is about to burn out.

(Caution to readers - There may be an element of hyperbole in the previous sentence).

Happy as I am, I am not warm from the inside out. This is what I require for complete physical peace. My bones need to be warm. They are not warm today.

But the break from consistent high heat feels good. This implies that Arizona may not be a good final destination for me. Or it might imply that a balanced relationship between heat and air conditioning could be my nirvana. (The latter more closely approximates my truth).

Speculation is irrelevant. I feel good today. I did not realize how dead I felt previously.

My mood was further enhanced when I got downstairs to the note Carol had left me.

Not a love note. A cat note.

Lakota now requires two pills a day to maintain her health. Unfortunately she has pretty much figured out the pill pocket ruse. Sneaking the medication by her has become inconsistent.

Yesterday I tried four different methods in the morning and all of them failed. Didn't get a pill into her until 4:30 p.m. She had consumed no pills on Sunday.

I worry because her getting sick really shook me up. She is sixteen years old. Now that the pills have her feeling and looking better I don't want anything to detract from that.

The first thing I thought about when I woke up was how to sneak a pill into her this morning. She only took one yesterday so I was determined to start the morning on a high note. I was worried.

Except when I got downstairs Carol had left a note saying that Lakota was begging for snacks this morning and Carol managed to sneak a pill past her.


So, goddamn it, I feel pretty good today. Alive, alive, oh.

Pretty fucking sweet.

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