You Think You Know Yourself......................

It is possible that I am too flippant in my opinions.

Once in a great while.

I don't like happy endings. In movies. In books. Too boring. Too fucking predictable.

How many of the movies you have seen have ended exactly as you knew they would? Exactly as you wanted them to?

The good guy wins, justice is fair and absolute, evil gets punished, no matter the odds or improbability.

99%.

99% of the movies you have watched in your lifetime have ended predictably. And you hated the 1%.

You couldn't handle the 1%.

I want the end of a movie or a book to surprise me, even if it depresses me or shocks me, because that is more in line with how life works.

I don't need fantasy in my entertainment. I have whiskey and pot for that.

I recently read a John Grisham book that I loved. It floored me with reality. It surprised me.

A huge corporation dumps toxic waste in a small town. The waste gets into the water supple, cancer cases go through the roof. One family gets up the guts to sue the corporation and wins.

The company immediately files an appeal, knowing it will take a couple of years to make it to the state supreme court. In the meantime the company mounts a campaign to get a justice of their choosing elected to the state supreme court.

He wins. The case comes before the court, it is a split decision and he is the deciding vote.

He denies the appeal.

The family of the dead cancer patient gets nothing. The town gets nothing. The corporate fat cats win and walk away unscathed.

I rejoiced when I read that, even though I was pissed off. That is how life works. For every case where a corporation is punished, 100 get away with murder.

Literally.

I was feeling pretty smug.

Then I read "The Story of Edgar Sawtelle".

Family living on a farm, breading dogs. Spiced with lies, betrayal, life confusion and murder.

The story dug its hooks even deeper into me because of the dog angle; they were a major part of the story and the love between the breeders and the dogs really touched me.

The main character was a boy. You kind of grow up with him, although he is only a young teen at the end of the book.

In short - the kid's father is murdered by the kid's uncle (yes, the brother) who gets away with it, even though the kid knows he did it. The uncle moves in with the kid and his mom and becomes his mom's new lover. The kid dies in the end, killed by the uncle just before the uncle dies in the end. The barn where dogs have been bread for generations burns to the ground in the end.

The kid's own precious dog even dies while the kid is disappeared as a runaway. He comes home to find the grave. This dog was his companion since the day he was born. The kid was born unable to speak and his dog always protected him and stayed by his side.

That's it. No resolution. No happy ending.

I was devastated. Couldn't believe how depressed I was.

Then I became confused. What the hell was I feeling? Who am I really?

Am I getting soft?

Jesus Christ, you think you know yourself after 62 years and then.....................