I Am A Vampire

And I like it.

Used to be I'd wake up at 3:10 am and become immediately furious. Which would keep me awake for the next 2 hours and 50 minutes until the fucking alarm clock went off. So I could go to work, dutiful soldier that I was, and do my job on minimal sleep. This happened 4800 times.

That was way back in the wayback. I have adjusted. You have to adjust as you age because things keep getting taken away from you. You survive by shrugging your shoulders and accepting the indignities.

Now I am a vampire, livng a strange existence. Been sleeping in the recliner for two, two and a half months now. That alone is a bit strange, although I expect a lot of people sleep in their recliners. Sleep is a fantasy.

An odd pattern has emerged. Typically I "go to recliner" around midnight. Lately I have been waking up at odd and unpredictable times. 3 o'clock, 4:30, 5 o'clock. Last night it was 2:30. Cool, huh?

I get up, go to the bathroom and feed the cats. Feed the cats??????????? Yup. Their pattern has changed because of me. Now they get fed when we go to bed, and when I first wake up. Because................if I don't feed them at 2, 3, or 4 o'clock, Emmy Lou will be pawing my face later on begging for food. And I get little enough sleep as it is.

So I was walking around at 2:30 this morning pondering my strange existence. Wearing a bit of a smirk. I really don't get mad anymore. I know I can survive with an offensively small amount of sleep, so who gives a fuck when I go to bed, when I wake up, how long I sleep, how well I sleep - it is all meaningless.

This approach reduces stress. And I do crawl back into the recliner at 2, 3 or 4 o'clock and pilfer a little more sleep. I lay there like Puddy on the plane and wait.................because I am so tired I am guaranteed to get a litttle more sleep. And I do.

Anyway, as I walk around at 2, 3, or 4 o'clock in the morning, it feels so strange - vampire-like. I feel like I am alone in the world, alone in the dark, living a life dissimilar to most people. It feels so bizarre that I kind of like it. I wish I could live my whole life in that place. 

When the sun rises I am disappointed. Another day has forced itself upon me. I am once again obligated to reveal my weaknesses to the world.

Give me the dark. Give me stillness. Give me alone.

I am indeed a vampire.

At least at heart.