The Way Tony Soprano Did

There is one goal that I am laser-focused on achieving in 2023, come hell or high water.

I will learn to eat ice cream the way Tony Soprano did. Remember?

First of all, he moved the ice cream around the bowl like a conductor directing a symphony orchestra. Dipping the spoon into the ice cream, sliding it front to back and back to front - it took him two minutes before he got each bite into his mouth.

And the bowl. It was a bowl like I eat cereal out of, or soup. A big motherfucking bowl. With mounds of ice cream in it.

Which brings me to the next - and most important point. Tony ate his ice cream without guilt. The quintessential absence of guilt. He enjoyed the fuck out of it.

I have eaten 80% less ice cream over the last ten years because I did not want to get fat. But I got fat anyway. So fuck it, I'm back to eating ice cream. Besides, it's much more likely that I'll drop dead now than it ever was, and dying with an unrequited lust for ice cream is the worst way to go.

So yeah, I'm gonna learn to eat ice cream the way Tony Soprano did. There are worse role models than Tony Soprano.

Most of them are politicians.