In A Nutshell

In a nutshell, the problem is: My life has changed, but I have not.

I have a new home, a new life, a GRANDSON, some money in the bank - and still, I torture myself with anxiety and worry.

I greet happiness with doubt. Strange approach, eh? I haven't figured out a way to make this gratefulness thing work for me.

There are problems, there will always be problems - but it is nonsensicle to poison the good times - the worry free moments - the precious and beautiful moments - worrying about shit that has to be dealt with, and worrying about what solution I will come up with. Making myself unhappy when happiness should consume me.

Let purity be. Revel in the moments. Christ, my life is at least 85% better than it was 7 months ago - that is a significant improvement. I should wake up every day dancing the tarantella. I should literally leap out of the recliner and dance. I should sing Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin' to Emmy Lou and Patsy who would, of course, watch me with rapt attention and applaud at the end.

Some days I do that. Today I did that. I feel magnificent today. Absolutely fucking magnificent.

That's a hopeful sign, folks. But I don't want to mislead you. Again.

My first post in here was on May 5, 2011. Thirteen fucking years ago. There is a lot of good stuff in here - creative stuff, interesting opinions, entertaining rants, thought provoking points of view. But by far, what dominates in here over and over again - is whining. Heaping helpings of whining. Enormous amounts of whining - record breaking whining.

And empty promises. Empty promises trail whining by a nose.

So I will make no promises. I will lay out facts.

This house will not allow me to be unhappy. The sun is shining today and this house is filled with life and light. Every window is open. Birds are chirping relentlessly. There is a breeze. It is idyllic. This is why I danced. This is why I sang. And this happens a lot.

Jackson does not allow me to be unhappy. I am with him a lot. He is the ultimate definition of happiness and hope. He's a little over two months old. He makes the present magical, and he IS the future. He melts my heart.

Despair kills hope. Happiness kills despair. So happiness makes hope possible. And hope makes change possible. 

"So you're telling me there's a chance."