Joe

If I went by Joseph instead of Joe, I would have been rich and retired long ago.

Joseph is a good name. I like it. Rather distinguished. I never should have gone by Joe. I should have insisted that people call me Joseph. If I did they would bow and scrape before me. Give me money and adulation.

I'm pretty sure if I went by Joseph I would have ended up a successful author of fiction, wallowing in wealth and fame, my picture on millions and millions of dustjackets.

Joe is too common. It gets reduced in gravitas by cliches. People say shit like:

Cup o' Joe

G.I. Joe

Joe citizen

Your average Joe

Joe sixpack

Joe schmoe

Joe blow

Not your average Joe

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How about Joe Cool! I like that.

Jesus' father went by Joseph. I should have taken a cue.

It's too late now. Can't do anything about it.

Maybe I should change my name completely. Kristaps Porzingis - that is a fucking name. I wouldn't mind borrowing that one. You can practically sing that name - make up a song about it. Maybe a poem. It commands attention.

How about Divine Deablo? Holy shit. I prefer it be spelled Diablo, but most people would not make the distinction anyway. Jesus Christ - talk about dueling first and last names. Beautiful.

Call me what you want to. I don't care. I'm too tired to care.

Just don't call me Joey. Only Carol is allowed to call me Joey. She gets away with it.

She's tougher than me.