The Big Man

Gotta examine this whole Clarence Clemons thing. We had gone out to dinner last Saturday night. It was one of those lucky nights when, by saving two pennies every other week for a year and a half, we were able to afford dinner at a low scale Italian restaurant. It was lovely. Coming home, talking, Sox on the radio, I thought I heard one of the announcers say Clarence had died. Got home and that fact was confirmed on the news.
I cried. Tears running down my cheek.
I have thought about it a lot since then, still feel a hole in my soul. It caught me by surprise because I was not a guy who followed his career or visited his website, I was not specifically a Clarence Clemons guy. I did dig the man. A lot. His playing added so much to E-Street songs, his solos thrilled my soul time after time. I think the sax is the coolest, the sexiest instrument in the entire cosmos. If I could go back (or forward) I would make the sax my instrument of choice. And he was cool. Looked cool, moved cool, talked cool. He was the real deal, a genuine human being who lived life and gave us the gift of his talent and his passion.
I figured out that it was all about Springsteen and the E-Street band. They have had a huge impact in my life. I have embarrassed myself countless times wailing a Springsteen song while sitting at a red light in the summertime. Do you think I care about your opinion on my vocal abilities? Please. It ain't about the singing, it's about the release, the religion and spirituality, the pure, raw emotion that I release pretending to be Springsteen. It's about the way they make me feel and the way they allow me to release the true emotion that is buried just below the surface of my not so thick skin.
So many Springsteen songs stir up passionate emotion in me. It's a message about the magic of music. I am not a blue collar guy. Far from it. I was a pasty faced, beer bellied, cubicle dweller for most of my life. But the words got right into my heart and I said yeah he is singing about my life. The songs were not just about struggling at a certain level in society. The songs were about being human. Fighting, living, loving, losing , hurting, confusion, aspiring, dreaming, winning, being stomped on by your boss and giving him the finger after 7 beers and 3 shots on a Friday night when he is not around.
Like the work of any true artists, E-Street songs cannot be pigeonholed. They covered all kinds of experiences from all kinds of angles. All I know is that a great deal of them revived emotion in me and continue to do so.
Clarence was a huge part of that. The E-Street band strikes me as a family. Musical warriors who have survived an industry that has gone stupid. Danny Federici was Springsteen's keyboardist. He died at the age of 58 from cancer. I am embarrassed to admit that I knew little about him and that his death did not hit me as hard. It should have. He was part of their family and their family has given me thousands of inspiring moments. And now Clarence is gone.
I talk as if the band spoke only to me. Millions of people feel the same way I do and that is part of their magic. When you can tap into the raw emotions of every day people and translate that into lyrics and music that soars, you are a conduit and you are genuine. If your words did not ring true, you would be ignored.
I have never seen Springsteen live. How incredibly stupid of me. I didn't try hard enough. The significance of a mortgage payment pales in comparison to a Bruce Springsteen and The E-Street band concert ticket. I may still see them some day and I know in my heart and in my soul that they will rock. They will vibrate my emotions and make me feel alive in a world that attempts every day to strip me of any life, any originality, any truth.
But there will be two holes on that stage.
I haven't loaded any Springsteen into my Ipod machine yet. I'm running around like a decapitated zombie - I have this CD, oh yeah, forgot about that CD, gotta copy these CD's, need to get a taste of this in there. You know what I will be concentrating on now.
So I hurt, and millions of people are hurting because of The Big Man's death and that says a lot about his life.
If you read my words consistently you will come to know that I will hammer this point home until I vaporize. Music, baby. It is a gift. Bigger and better than any Christmas gift or birthday gift. Music is life. It is your life. Don't just listen to it. Experience it. Feel it. Dance around the kitchen in front of your bemused cats, sing in your car boldly. Somebody else is singing about your life, which means you have an ally, millions of people dig the same songs, which means you are not alone.
Your soul needs to be nourished, your heart needs inspiration. You can't get that from money or booze or false bravado.
Music. Period.
Thank you Clarence Clemons for giving me your passion in a way that softened my life just a little. I could never ask for more than that.