A Bruin and a beer

It's dark in here. Quiet. Which is exactly what I need right now.
This is my favorite bar, the place I go sometimes to celebrate, sometimes just to sit and think. Dark solid wood bar, brass rails, Tiffany lighting, tables nestled in quiet corners where you can have a private conversation or be romantic with your lady.
I used to hang in dives and still actually enjoy them from time to time. The insanity, the noise, the camaraderie, the roughness. But I feel I've earned the right to pamper myself a little. It's been a long hard road.
Just flew in from Vancouver and I'm taking a little break to get my head straight. I'm sitting at the bar tonight and I keep catching my reflection in the mirror behind the bartender. I look tight, a little tense and concerned. There's a beautiful lady sitting next to me and she knows exactly who I am. The people in here know me and can read my moods, my body language. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes they leave me alone. She knows I play for the Bruins and it's obvious that she would love to strike up a conversation but for now there is a respectful silence.
We are down two to nothing and my guts are churning. Athletes are trained to supply the stereotypical answers to idiot journalists questions. "How does it feel to be down two zip?" We tell them we take one game at a time, we have to focus on game three, make them play our game and we'll be alright. Have to keep up the tough guy image, try to make everybody believe that we are superhuman with no emotions.
My mind is reeling right now. Hockey is my life. I have played this game since I was five years old. Fought and scratched and clawed my way through every level. It turned into work when people recognized I had talent. Potential. That was at a very young age. But I love the game and didn't mind the work because a career in hockey beats the hell out of a career in accounting.
When the Bruins signed me I cried. I'll never admit that publicly but tell me the truth, what would you do if you achieved your dream after decades of hard work and sacrifice? Accomplished the one thing you were born to do, the one thing you truly loved. You would cry.
I didn't realize it at the time but the work had just begun. Fighting for a chance, some day, to play for the Stanley Cup. A long, hard excruciatingly disappointing road. And here I am.
My life is so weird. When you're on the ice, in an arena with 17,000 screaming fans you would not believe how loud it is. Music, cheering, board banging, lights and cameras flashing. We tell people that we block it out, especially during away games but that's another myth. It is overwhelming but you adjust to it.
The game moves so fast that sometimes it looks like a blur to me as it does to you watching on the tube. It is surreal. You fly up and own the ice, hitting as hard as you can, getting hit, avoiding hits, doing the dance between finesse and violence for a few slim chances to get a shot on goal. Drag your ass to the bench for a breather then go out and do it again. it is a frustrating game and a beautiful game.
The game goes by in a heartbeat and then I'm sitting in a quiet bar. Alone with my thoughts at the complete opposite end of the spectrum from where I was during the game. And here's what I am thinking.
I have played hockey for twenty five years. It has consumed my life. The one and only thing I want is to get my hands on the Stanley Cup. It is within reach but we are down two zip. Here's another thing no athlete will ever admit. I'm afraid. I'm afraid we will lose this series. And if we do I'm afraid I will never get another chance. I am not saying I think we will lose this series, I believe we still have a pretty good shot. I'm saying that IF we lose, the championship might slip through my fingers and I may never get another shot at it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get this far? How rare it is to be in the position to play for The Cup? This is my whole life we are talking about here. Everything I have ever worked for with every fiber of my being. All my dreams, all my happiness, every good thing I have ever wanted wrapped up in that storied trophy.
I'm tired and I have to get some rest. Game three is tonight at home in front of our rabid Boston fans. Fans who know and love the game, fans who support their team fanatically, fans who deserve a championship as much as I do. They have been waiting and rooting since 1972 and they never give up on us.
I had to come here tonight because I am human. Had to give my mind and my emotions some breathing space.
We will win tonight. We have too much heart to go down three games. I am excited and I am ready.
I'm going home to get some rest.