JUNE (goddamn it)

It's June 1, 2011. Just flipped the calender and was treated to a picture of a 1940 OAHU Hollowbody EEEElectric guitar. Beautiful. Guitars are works of art. Gorgeous. When I finally become a virtuoso and have some spare cash I will have a collection of guitars.
June 1. June 1. June 1. Fills me with fear and trepidation. By the end of this month 2011 will be half over. And on top of that it is just now getting warm. Had a few days of  soul reviving warmth, a taste of humidity. Winter is almost over. But three months is all we got. June (semi-warmth), July and August (life giving heat). The first five months of the year flew by, and they were filled with suffering and pain due to the excruciating winter we had. Do you realize how quickly these three months will flow when they are blessed with peace, love and understanding? When the weather is good and as you get older, time roars by. You dig in your heels, grab onto anything you can but you cannot slow it down. And when you are closer to the end than the beginning it is unsettling.
So very shortly the year will be half over and more, and the weather I love will be gone.  I really need to be able to stare the winter of 2011/2012  in the face with pride, I need a new me doing battle with The Grim Winter. I need accomplishment, change, evolution and money.
I am scratching and clawing my way through 2011. Really fighting the good fight. A couple of left jabs, a right upper cut, a  vicious left hook and a final right upper cut are all I need to finish off my transformation.  I am like the gopher in Caddyshack today. I popped my head up and I'm taking a look around.
Because May was a strange and fearful month. I was off balance, off kilter, off my game and I don't know why. Part of my brain wonders if I missed something. When the vibe gets weird like that, maybe the cosmos were sending me a message. Maybe I missed an opportunity. Or maybe it was just a gentle nudge, suggesting that I make an adjustment in this Change Game I am playing. I don't know. I can't know everything. But I can keep strumming the vibe.
May ended on an appropriate note. Got to work at the booze emporium yesterday at 10:15 and the place was humming. Time to take down all the May displays and set up the June displays. Sounds silly but there is a lot to it. So as soon as I walked in the door I was humping cases of booze back and forth. Then the truck came and me and Steve - the two oldest guys in the place - unloaded it. More humping. Then more display humping. Finally I ended up on a register and by then my nerves were all jingly jangly. I was pretty tired and I was jumpy because I don't handle frenzy well. My nerves were screaming but I had to be Mr. Pleasant Cash Register Guy.
Beer and whiskey. That was the ticket. Nothing else will calm me down when I am in that state. Not meditation, not prayer (jesus don't love me). I took my medication and when the pain was dead I stopped. Had half a beer next to me but I knew I had accomplished my goal so I let it sit. That pretty much put a cap on May.
I weighed myself this morning. 173. May seem petty to you but not to me. I lost 15 pounds last year on the High Stress No Food All Whiskey diet. Dropped from 190 to 175. Can you imagine a Mini Guinea like me weighing 190 pounds? Even 175 is ridiculous. Every time Carol loses 1/4 of an ounce everybody says "Oh Carol you look marvelous. Are you considering a career in modeling?" I lose 15 pounds and nobody says anything. I'll make them pay, though. My goal is to lose 100 more pounds. Get down to 75 pounds. I got the sexiest ribs you have ever seen. By the time I get done you'll be able to play them like a harp.
In reality I want to break the 170 barrier. Get into the 160's. Ultimately I'd like to get down to 165. That's all I'm gonna say about that until June 30. Gonna take a whack at it all month and see just how sexy I can get.
You know the rest. Guitar, writing, money, brain exercise, professional achievement of some sort. Got to rise to my own level of potential instead of lowering myself and settling for half assed jobs and teenage paychecks.
So I am the gopher today. Got the day off. I'm taking a look around. I am going to grab June by the throat and wring every drop of life out of it. I am going to wake up every day kicking and screaming. I'm gonna hit stuff and break stuff and rearrange stuff and kill stuff and give birth to stuff and create stuff.
This year is FLYING by. My life is FLYING by. I will not get left behind.