Hating Self-Loathing

Did some reading. Here's what I learned.

Self loathing involves not just having feelings of inadequacy but also blowing those feelings out of proportion and dwelling on them. That's why the well intentioned cannot just say "Hey stop beating yourself up, you are OK." Any more than you can say to a depressed person "Cheer up."

It ain't that simple, Homer.

Self-loathing can have its roots in abusive parents, or in physical appearance and disabilities. Most interestingly, some people can hate themselves for no reason anyone, including themselves, understands.

Self loathers typically don't hate everything about themselves, they just overlook the good stuff and give disproportionate weight to the bad.

Dig this: At the age of 51, Tolstoy looked back upon his life and considered it to be a meaningless, regrettable failure. It's all about perception, baby.

Circumstances that initially lead to self hatred trigger a thought process that takes on a life of its own. A thought process that gains momentum the longer it remains unchallenged. Once this opinion of worthlessness worms its way into the brain, it becomes difficult to disbelieve. Difficult because logic becomes suspended and self loathing moves front and center.

To like ourselves, we have to earn our own respect. This can only be done through the development of character. It cannot be achieved by acquiring things or making ourselves feel superior to others.

Fear is all wrapped up in this deal as well. Self mastery is a goal of Tantra Yoga. One powerful result of self mastery is living without fear.

Humans don't often admit to fear because it sounds weak. We say we are worried or anxious. But worry is a form of fear and anxiety results from succumbing to fear.

Fear is not a tangible thing, it is created in our minds. When we allow fear to paralyze our mind, we lose the ability to make choices and get locked into the mode of reaction.

When self  loathers are not worrying about something bad happening to them, they focus on past hurts, mistakes and failures. In other words, if they are not preoccupied with being attacked by someone else, they turn around and attack themselves.

The problem is when someone else attacks you, you automatically defend yourself. When you attack yourself, there is no defense. No outcome but to lose.

Self loathing feeds on a lack of self awareness and focuses on weaknesses and mistakes. It leads to giving up on yourself and becoming a victim. This approach denies your power to grow and change and you become stuck in your own ignorance.

Self mastery results from effort. Initially you will fail, but if you know in your heart that you are giving it your best shot and you keep trying, eventually you will succeed. Self respect comes from knowing you are trying your best, and from recognizing that mistakes are a necessary part of learning, not a reason for punishment.

A lot to chew on there.