Lookin' For A Good Way To Die

My wife is gone, she took off just like that,
and left me in the dust,
Caught me kissing on Monique.
Says I got no credibility after all the stories I have told,
I don't understand the way she thinks

Now I'm stuck here in this trailer but it ain't half bad.
I got Spam, got a radio, a convenience store I can walk to
with the coldest beer in town.
Nobody visits and that's all right with me,
Seems I wind up in trouble with people around

My kids all hate me, 'cause I drink all their booze
and borrow their money.
I promise to pay them back but they say I got no
credibility after all the stories I have told.
They sound like their mother, I don't think it's funny.

So I'm lookin' for a good way to die,
One last shot at success.
After all of my failures I just gotta try
to go out with a puffed up chest.
Something unique that will get me some headlines,
I'm lookin' for a good way to die

My friends are long gone, say I'm damn unreliable.
They don't understand that I am busy, so many things
to get done, so many worries on my mind.
I want to get together but I get distracted,
apparently I get no credit for trying

Can't hold a job, out of work for two and half years now,
unemployment ran out last month.
My bosses never got me, lines of communication were twisted,
we didn't see eye to eye.
Still I'm looking around and filling out applications.
Some call me unemployable, I say I got a unique take on life.

Even my dog turned on me, he bit me and ran away.
Now he lives across the street with Ruthie, he ain't no
friend to man.
The hell with him, now I don't have to share my Spam.

So I'm lookin' for a good way to die,
One last shot at success.
After all of my failures I just gotta try
to go out with a puffed up chest.
Something unique that will get me some headlines,
I'm lookin' for a good way to die