Zombie Ass and Inefficiency In American Business

I get home from work last night, too tired to do anything but thrill to the sweet release of moviedom.

I heat up a leftover boneless pork chop, after smothering it with shredded cheddar, and cover the rest of the plate with corn (smothered in cheddar cheese).

Sag into the caress of the well worn recliner, connect to Netflix and dial up "Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead."

This movie was recommended to me by a well known film critic. A woman who is so knowledgeable in the world of the cinema that her nickname is "CGI."

The movie apparently has won five Oscars and features the superb acting talents of the most renowned Asian actors in cinematic history.

The movie hesitated, skipped, hung up and generally pissed me off. We have been having this problem with Netflix for a week now.

Three or four phone calls have served only to temporarily solve the problem. Only one out of all the techs we talked to knew what the hell she was talking about. She fixed the situation for a day or two.

I am renowned for having no patience with these fools. I was the first to call - last Tuesday - and I ended up hanging up on the know-nothing idiot.

Carol is more focused. She hangs in there on the phone and beats these people up pretty good. She has spoken to them two or three times.

I exhaled sharply last night and bit the bullet - called them one more time. Got the goddamn run around, the same questions we got previously, the same suggestions we got previously - no results.

Do they not have a file? Something summarizing the history of problems, suggested solutions and outcomes?

No. They do not. That is because businesses in this country are focused on hiring only the cheapest of labor and giving them as little as possible in the way of pay and perks. They are not concerned with efficiency.

That's why when you call for tech support you get nothing. Airheads on the phone. Morons.

It worked out for me because I had to have something. Feeling, emotion or insanity.

I went to On Demand, Comcast, and dialed up "Nebraska".

What a movie. Talk about pathos, a commentary on the human condition, recognition of fallibility and mortality, desperate attempts at bringing meaning to a life.

I don't think 70+ year old Woody Grant really believed his "million dollar" winning sweepstakes ticket that he got in the mail was real. I think he was desperate to make one final attempt at making amends to his sons for the inconsiderate father he had been.

Some great lines. His son is driving with him to "cash in" the winning ticket. They share a few beers and a lot of conversation along the way.

His son asks him why he got married and Woody says "Because your mother wanted to and I said what the hell." His son asks him if they discussed having kids and why they had kids. Woody says "I liked to screw and your mother was Catholic."

The movie touched my soul, satisfied my craving for something real.

The movie made me decide that when I get old, cantankerous and senile, I am going to lie to my sons, tell them I have Super Bowl tickets and make them drive me to the game.

The post script to this story is that I watched "Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead" on my computer today. I am old school and do not believe in watching movies on a goddamn computer, but Netflix left me no choice. The signal ain't getting to the TV but it is fine with the computer.

It was worth it. "Zombie" was a cinematic gem. A true classic.

It isn't for everyone, but if you enjoyed "The Sound of Music" and "Bambi", you're sure to enjoy this one.

Ciao, baby.