Still, I Wish

Pets are an easy substitute for kids.

I got home early today, around 3:45, grabbed myself a beer and set down on the porch to dig.

The warmth, the weather, the peace, the beauty.

My soul is soaring right now.

The cats had been trapped in the house like felons for eight hours, so they gratefully followed me out to the great, blue beyond.

I sipped and watched.

Watched them wander around for a while, checking every damn thing out.

Watched each of them settle in to a spot of their own choosing, watched them bathe, meticulously as they do, watched them curl up and settle down in pre-summer contentment.

It made me feel good to do that for them.

To set them free from the house and out onto the porch where they could experience nature and sweet comfort as they so love to do.

Got to thinking about all the things I wish I could have done for my sons but could never afford, time-wise or money-wise, to do.

Grand plans, grim reality.

There was so much I wanted for Keith and Craig. I had a picture in my mind of what their lives should be. What I wanted to give them and do for them.

Now in my mind those pictures look more like a daguerreotype of a dream.

There are still things I want to do for them, things I want to give to them - that I still cannot do.

It is not an easy thing to give your kids your love as it exists in your mind.

Pets are easier.

Let them out on the porch, kiss them on the head, watch them express themselves naturally and effortlessly, and dig the calming effect on your heart beat.

Still, I wish.............................................................................