They Give Me Drugs

I'm that kind of guy.

I'm likeable, with a tendency towards degeneracy.

It has always been that way, but it reached a crescendo when I tended bar at the American legion. That period was approximately 2006 through 2010. The exact dates are, as you might expect, a bit of a fog.

2006 was a watershed year. That is the year we got Maka, a precious cat who still brings enormous happiness to our lives. That was the year I shed all pretense towards normalcy, escaped the accounting profession, and became a bartender. Stunning.

Working at the legion. It was like stepping into an acid dream everyday; bizarre, entertaining and challenging to negotiate.

When I started there the bar opened at 9:00 am.  And there was always one or two guys waiting for me to unlock the door at that time. Years later they pushed opening time back to a more sedate 11:00 am. The members were furious.

I got there at 7:30 am to whip the bar into shape. The guy that worked the kitchen (and prepared fabulous food) was a coke head. Always had primo coke. We did a line or two every morning. After that I would treat myself to a couple of shots of Crown Royal.

When I unlocked those doors I was flying, baby. Kind of took the edge off.

There was a guy that came in at night who gave me free pot. He called it treats. A very funny and very insane guy. 

He used to toss his beer cans out the window of his car while he was driving. One night the can bounced off the hood of the car behind him, which just happened to be a police car. That cost him a few bucks. But he didn't give a shit; he owned his own business, had a wad of cash and a good lawyer who always got his transgressions knocked down a level or two.

He was the most "I don't give a fuck" guy I ever met.

He would get up close to the bar and say "Hey Joe - I have treats." At some point I would meet him in the kitchen and he would hand me a baggie. If no one was around we would smoke.

There was a real degenerate who supplied me with Oxycontin. Lots of these guys had prescriptions from the VA, always way more than they could use. Most of them sold the excess. This guy gave them to me free.

I learned a lesson with that shit. I liked it. I would take some on my days off when Carol was at work. Until the day he gave me a pill and didn't bother to tell me the doc had upped his dosage.

I spent the day sitting like a zombie in my recliner praying the effects would wear off before Carol got home. I couldn't do anything. Could barely move. The effects did wear off and I got away with it. But I never used that shit again.

Here's the real point of this story.

Fast forward to 2020. A woman I work with gives me drugs. Ibuprofen, baby. Things change, man - things change. She has had a hip replaced and a knee replaced and her doc prescribes megadoses of Ibuprofen - 800 mg tablets. Many more than she can use. 

I have had a lot of trouble with my knees recently. Lots of pain. Every once in a while she gives me a couple of prescription bottles loaded with these pills. But it's just like the drug deals of days gone by. She is very secretive about it and makes sure no one is watching us. What a kick.

Truthfully I don't even use them. Tried them but they didn't do much for the pain. I let her supply me anyway; it makes her feel good.

Used to be free coke, Oxycontin and pot. Now it's free Ibuprofin.

But still - they give me drugs, baby.