FORTY THREE YEARS

Friday - February 12, 2021 - will be mine and Carol's 43rd wedding anniversary.

Can you believe that?

It is a cliche but life goes by too fast, baby. Way too fast.

Why February 12? Because I procrastinated. Carol wanted to get married in the fall, I thought that was too soon. She did not want to wait too long so we compromised on February 12 - and almost got cancelled by the Blizzard of '78. Life does not fuck around. Decisions have consequences.

We are exact opposites in almost every way. It is a miracle that this marriage lasted. I can't quite figure it out unless you account for this thing called love.

We were in love in 1978. We are in love in 2021. But it is different. Our love has gone from idealistic to realistic.

Love changes. Life changes love. You deal with what life throws at you and it changes you, and it changes your understanding of who you are married to. You discover that this perfect person you married is far from perfect. You learn to love the imperfections. Or get divorced.

We met under ridiculous circumstances. Because I was studying accounting at Northeastern University and got a job at the company Carol worked for. I should never have been an accountant. I fucking hated it. The irony is if I majored in something I loved I would never have met Carol. And Keith and Craig would not exist (I will deal with that concept later).

My love for Carol has bounced around a bit based on where my head was at and where her head was at. I'm sure she would say the same. That's life - circumstances test your love. Your perspective fluctuates.

After coming through the hard times I knew that I loved her, but the intensity of it was cemented in my brain when she got sick. Five hours waiting through breast surgery, 7 and 1/2 hours waiting through brain surgery and - the killer -  a cumulative 20 hours of waiting through facial surgery.

Agony. Fear. Worry. Tears.

The last one almost broke me. When she went back into surgery on the second day, I sat for long periods of time in the waiting room bent over with my head in my hands. That's all I could do. Couldn't read, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I sat there in total despair.

Why was all that so painful for me? Because I love her.

I have fantasized about what my life could have been had I not married Carol. Kind of an exquisite torture. But it always comes back to one reality - Keith and Craig.

They are our crowning achievement. Two amazing human beings that we brought into this world.

Carol and I are exact opposites except when it comes to being parents. We were fiercely in sync on that. We are proud of the kind of parents we were (and are). We take credit up to a point for the quality people they have become.

And they brought us so much happiness, so much laughter, so much joy. And continue to do so.

So yeah, for that reason and many more, marrying Carol was the right move.

It is 2021. 2017 and 2019 sucked because of Carol's surgeries. Then fucking Covid came along and now I have prostate cancer. This shit never stops.

What's the lesson? Be with someone you love. Because life kicks you around and you need someone you can trust, someone you can rely on, someone you are comfortable with - someone that you love and who loves you.

I have that.

As unlikely as it may seem, our marriage happened for a reason.

I am glad it did.