I've Got A Friend

 "If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds,

  and that old north wind begins to blow,

  keep your head together, and call my name out loud,

  soon you'll hear me knocking at your door."

From "You've Got A Friend", by Carole King

My friend Phil is my oldest friend in the world - we have been friends since the second grade. We have been very close friends for around 60 years. We are still in regular contact and get together 2 or 3 times a year.

Our relationship falls into that magic category where, no matter how big a gap there is between us seeing each other, we automatically fall back into our rhythm - no awkwardness, no bullshit. Honest conversation, easy laughter.

It is very comforting.

I was talking to him recently and told him I have prostate cancer. Gave him the whole history going back two years, which he knew nothing about, even though we have spoken many times during that period. He was pissed.

He angrily said: "You never tell me anything." I was taken aback by that, but his anger brought home to me just how valuable this friendship is.

Here's how my mind works. So many people will tell you the story of their lives at the drop of a hat. You say "Wow, what a gorgeous day it is." They say "I have prostate cancer." 

That ain't me.

I tell my family. After that the only way anybody finds out is through a random process. In other words, I told my bosses about it because the radiation will be a major disruption to my work schedule. If they mention it to co-workers and they ask me about it that's fine - I will talk about it.

But I don't volunteer the information. Someone asks me how I'm doing as a part of general conversation, I say "fine" - that's it.

That's just the way I am.

But I do feel bad about not keeping Phil posted. Learned a lesson. The man cares about me. That is a precious gift and should be protected.

I called him when I got the details about how treatment is gonna go. The next day he called me to tell me he has a friend who runs a charitable organization that donates money to cancer patients, to help them through it. Phil spoke to him, told him what Carol has been through and what I am about to go through, and the organization decided to donate $5,000 to me. Five thousand dollars.

I was blown away.

I told Phil Medicare has great coverage and we could probably handle the rest and I didn't need the money.

He told me to take the money and use it for lost work days, gas money to and from the hospital, incidentals etc.

I said I'll take it but if I don't use it I'll give it back.

He said "Take the fucking money and keep it."

We got the check 2 days later.

I am not measuring our friendship in dollars and cents. My point is that he was so upset and so worried about me that he was compelled to do something to help me out. He wanted to make my struggle easier.

I was truly humbled.

We text pretty regularly but now he always asks how I am feeling.

He cares. Deeply.

Friendship is special. You don't choose your family. I am lucky to have a magnificent family. You do choose your friends.

And if a friendship endures, it is through mutual admiration, love and respect. You don't stay in touch with someone for 60 years if they are an asshole. Friendship is an incredible thing.

I know how lucky I am. My family is magic in my life. Pure joy and fun and pride in every moment.

Phil is a special guy. Simply put - we just get along. We click. We have had so much fun together over the years. Stuff we reminisce about. Stuff we laugh about. More fun to come - we make plans all the time. Whether it's dinner or a concert or a blues club or sports. 

We are comfortable together in a way that makes life better. 

So much better.