Gonna try an experiment this week. Try to be positive and try to give 100%. 2011 is all about me shaking up my life. Grabbing a hold of my mind and re-shaping it in a way that will allow my soul to radiate through the multiple layers of hangups and perversions and delusions and pain that suffocate my essence. They are there, Bubba. Always have been. Why do you think I work so hard to keep Seagram's in business?
I'm not a positive guy. I am a realist. My amazing wife says I am negative. I think I see life for what it is, for most people. A grind and a bitter disappointment. You keep your head down and endure the blows and hope to find three or four moments of true joy before you find yourself at the wrong end of The Grim Reaper's bony finger.
I'm going to try to be more positive. More confident. As an experiment. See what and where it gets me. I got nothing to lose. I am a part time bartender in a low life bar and a part time liquor store clerk. Not much to brag about. The mortgage vampire dictates my life.
I never give 100%. Don't know what that feels like. I get distracted, depressed, unconfident, I give up and grab the bottle. Curious what it will feel like to give myself up 100% to whatever I am doing at the time. Really try. Really focus. See what and where that gets me.
I think I am reasonably intelligent ( considering how many dead brain cells are floating around in my skull). I think I am reasonably talented. Maybe I can accomplish something. Improve my life to a place where I can flip off the mortgage vampire.
I live for that.
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