Song Lyrics as Religion

I am addicted to music. If some idiot republican tried to outlaw music (which is not outside the realm of possibility) I would beat him viciously with the lyrics to Ballad of A Thin Man until he realized just how much he doesn't understand.
Music gets into my bones, it thrills me, it makes me come alive. I am dead most of the time because that is what it takes to survive in this silly, cold world. Slap on an Allman Brothers track - even one I have heard 137,355 times - and I get goose bumps. My emotions rise to the surface and remind me that I am human. That is powerful stuff.
My precious IPod has freed me. My family conspired to get me an IPod and a docking station (NASA?) at Christmas and I have been in heaven ever since. Crank it up in the morning when I am washing the dishes and I dance - at the sink, away from the sink, anywhere and everywhere. My cats nod in time to the music while simultaneously wondering just how much brain damage I have sustained over the years.
BUT I am a wordsmith, first and foremost. I worship words. Song lyrics and poetry knock me out because they pack so much emotion into such a small space. Lyrics, baby - it's all about the lyrics.
Dancing in the Dark - Springsteen.
"I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself"
"Message keeps getting clearer, radios on and I'm moving 'round the place, I check my look in the mirror, want to change my clothes, my hair, my face"
He sings the clothes, hair, face part quite forcefully, essentially yelling it out.
He's describing me. I have been tired and bored with myself for decades because there is a little, crazy man inside me who has been held prisoner by responsibility, deadlines and commitments. The outside me is the one that bores me. The guy who puts on the act, is nice to everybody, goes to work like a good boy and sacrifices his soul to feed the mortgage vampire.
I'm all about freeing the little, crazy man in 2011. Trying real hard to dig down through the layers of suffocation that have been built up over a lifetime, trying to air out my soul, expose it to the light of day.
Want to change my clothes, my hair, my face. Not literally, because I am pretty and I love my hair (the clothes could use some work - I am a peacock). Talking about nuclear change. I want that. Major explosion and out of the smoke and rubble walks The Real Joe. Like a scene from an apocalyptic movie.
Bob Dylan and David Bowie. Two cats who changed their look, their very persona, whenever they felt the need for change. They have always fascinated me. Go back through both of their careers and check out all the different phases. Amazing. Completely different looks, even their music changed to reflect whatever was going through their heads at the time. What a very cool way to discover yourself or express yourself. Keep changing until you get to a comfortable place. Maybe never stop changing. Whatever it takes.
I'm not looking for twenty different looks between now and the time I check out; just trying to work backwards to the real me. I want everything about me to express exactly who I am. No compromise. I hate compromise. I have been compromising all my life and it has left a rancid taste in my mouth.
The trouble is, I am a real flamboyant  guy without the guts to display my flamboyance. I have always been wary of embarrassing my family, or drawing attention from the conservative, judgmental people who populate New Hampshire. They all own guns, you know.
I am caring less and less about that as this year progresses. Trying out little bits and pieces of me for public consumption. Kind of fun.
But it might take a nuclear explosion to get me over the hump. I might have to take a major step or make a radical change to get me where I want to go. As a result I am considering wearing a yellow print, knee length dress all summer long. I think this could change my perspective.
So when you come over for barbecues this summer, please don't be judgemental. I'll be that whiskey swilling, foul mouthed dude in a dress. I won't have time to shave my legs every day. Just deal with it.