Sweet And Tender Moments

Got home tonight around 5:30.

Carol and I went for a walk on a gorgeous May 7 night. This is the third night in a row we have walked together.

I like it.

We talk. We don't talk, We listen to the birds. Feel the warmth. Appreciate the beauty that surrounds us. Get a little healthier. Get a little closer.

Got back. I washed the dishes. Cleaned the kitty litter box. Took a shower. Barbecued boneless chicken thighs.

As the barbecuing was going on Carol was You Tubing stuff on the TV machine. A comedian named Jeff McKinney. The guy trashed NH winters. I love him for that.

Watched a bunch of his videos. Funny stuff. He used to be a cop in Maine. His material centered around living in New England.

Somehow that segued into Elvis videos. Very excellent. The '68 comeback special. That awesome black leather suit. I'm considering buying a leather sport coat this year. I have always wanted one. This is the year I express myself. I'm not sure a black leather sport coat is the proper garb for July.

I don't care.

"If I Can Dream". An incredibly powerful Elvis performance. Both in expression and in lyrics. We watched about five different versions. One after the other.

This did not diminish our enjoyment at all.

This segued into a Linda Ronstadt/Emmy Lou Harris musical excursion.

Exquisite. Absolutely exquisite.

Now I am up here and Carol is watching The Sox. I'll join her shortly.

But I had to vent my pleasure.

This was a night. A night shared by two people who have known and loved each other for somewhere around 38 or 39 years.

A simple night that was not really so simple.

Heartfelt human connection, sharing and love is a difficult, a complex thing to achieve and to express.

My job eats me up. It shreds my flesh like a ragged razor blade.

I cannot be grateful for employment. I am not like you. If employment is not in sync with my soul then I want no part of it. I fight it with every single breath, regardless of the fucking paycheck.

But

I am getting much better at appreciating the real things. My real life. The life that breathes survival into my soul.

The job sucked more marrow out of my bones today. Made me weaker. Chipped another corner off hope.

Tonight restored me beyond what the job destroyed.

That is a positive entry in the ledger.

I am looking forward to many more nights like this with my beautiful and loving wife this summer.

I am a fucking lucky guy.