Friday, February 20, 2015

Chris Holmes - A Genuine America Hero

Chris Holmes is a DJ, currently touring as Paul McCartney's opening act.

I don't even know what DJ means anymore. I know it is one more piece of musical expression that splintered off from the rock 'n roll explosion (kind of).

It used to be important to me to try and keep up with musical mutations so I could maintain a youthful perspective. My sons introduced me to a lot of music when they lived at home, and still do occasionally, but I have gone beyond the point of referencing Snoop Dog lyrics, and referring to Dr. Dre as Dre does not make me appear cool.

My comments are dated and narrow in scope.

Music has moved too fast and I am slowing down.

A quote from a Rolling Stone snippet: "Chris Holmes wants you to stop taking so many damn photos at concerts." He was DJ'ing with Thom Yorke at the Roosevelt Hotel, and everybody was standing in front of him just staring into their cameras.

I know who Thom Yorke is. He is (was?) the lead singer for Radiohead. I swear to God I did not just Google this. I knew it. I have one of their albums.

My youthful perspective reigns triumphant.

Chris Holmes was so pissed off he created a line of reflective clothing designed to thwart smart phone cameras. Called Flashback.

If you snap a photo of someone wearing Flashback clothing you get a "ghostly, washed out image.

It is hilarious and most excellent. Pick up a copy of Rolling Stone dated February 26, 2015, issue #1229; turn to page 19 and dig.

The picture on the left is a normal photo. The one on the right is of someone wearing Flashback, complete with hoodie. The face and hands are blacked out, the jacket looks haunted.

Holmes says: "When people see it light up their photos it will hopefully remind them to put down their cameras and start dancing."

Chris Holmes cannot stop there. He must develop an app that shocks smart phone users in any inappropriate setting.

I'm talking a shock strong enough to blow fingernails off.

Like at sporting events and concerts and mass gatherings of any kind where the only thing you see is the tops of peoples' heads as they fixate on the technology in their hands.

Why the hell do you spend money on tickets to baseball games and football games and concerts if you are not even going to bother to be there?

The term smart phone is apt. The phone is smarter than most of the users.

People who worship their phone to the exclusion of the people with whom they are keeping company.

ZAP.

People who salivate over their device in restaurants.

ZAP.

It just occurred to me why "reality TV" is so goddamn popular. You got a huge cross section of Americans who are just stupid, amplified by a huge cross section of Americans who don't even know what they are watching.

Unless they are simultaneously watching the same show on TV and the smart phone.

Which wouldn't surprise me.

I am not anti-technology. I dig it. In some ways I am jealous because I can't afford it. Carol forces me to spend 98% of my discretionary income on high priced jewelry and designer perfumes and gowns.

The other 2% is spent on Thunderbird wine.

I tried twitter. When I signed up I attracted negative 346 followers. 346 people actually closed their accounts because of me.

Chris Holmes is on the right track.

I am happy to see youth rebelling against the swelling tide of anti-social behavior inspired by smart phone addiction.

You cannot live your life second hand. That is a horrendous waste of life.

I know this because I know a guy who lived a parallel existence inside a whiskey bottle.

He missed a lot.

Although he felt pretty damn good while he was in there.

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