Friday, February 27, 2015

Yesterday Birthdays

Apparently I am in yesterday birthday mode.

Yesterday I talked about George Harrison's birthday yesterday.

Today I am talking about my brother's birthday yesterday.

Yesterday is a strange word. Say it a few times. You will feel like you are speaking a foreign language and feel proud.

Yesterday my brother Ed turned 60. Turned is a strange way to say it. Yesterday my brother completed his 60th year of life.

Actually, technically, I think he completed his 60th year on 2/25. I believe he began his 61st year on 2/26.

I do go on, don't I?

Not an easy birthday for him. It is a milestone and should be celebrated raucously with pride and happiness and love, with family and friends.

My brother's only son, Jonathan, died on December 17, 2014 at the age of 27.

That changes everything.

Forever.

I can only approach this from my point of view. I can imagine what Ed is feeling but I don't really know.

I know that I have been thinking about his birthday for a month or more. Wondering at the cruel irony of it.

Ed is a remarkable person. Level headed. Responsible, intelligent, reliable. Wickedly funny in a quick, intelligent way and deliciously insane when the mood strikes him or when, maybe, he just has to let it out.

He commands enormous respect in the business world because he knows his work inside and out and because he is honest and straight ahead and creative.

He has been enormously successful in business and suffered major setbacks.

He shrugs it all off and just keeps on punching.

He is deeply loved by his family. A family that enjoys his informed conversation, and loves to laugh with him, as we invariably do in response to that ever present sense of humor.

It is difficult to describe how I feel when I see my sons, Keith and Craig, with Ed. I could call it pride, but it is more than that.

It is a sense of wonder to know how comfortable they all are together. To watch them talk, to enjoy them laughing. He makes them laugh, they make him laugh.

An uncle and his two nephews. Close, respectful and loving.

My thoughts on Ed's birthday are clouded over with thoughts of Jonathan's death.

There is a heaviness there, a disbelief, a sorrow, an anguish.

I cannot separate Ed's birthday from Jonathan's  absence.

I want to celebrate Ed's birthday free and easy; mark his 60th with respect and pride and love and laughter.

There is a reality there, a void, that is huge; it has impact, it is almost suffocating.

I'm hoping Ed can take comfort from the love shown him by his family and his friends.

I imagine he has to turn from his loss towards something to sustain him.

We have the love to do that. Or to try to do that.

I have lived my life with only 13 months when Ed wasn't in it. I was born on January 1, 1954. He was born on February 26, 1955.

My life would be different without him around. It would be less.

Less interesting, less comforting, less fun, less loving.

Happy Birthday to my brother Ed, who I love with everything in my heart.

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