OK let's get cracking for Christ sake.
Where the hell have I been? Where the hell have you been? Where does anybody at all go at any goddamn time?
Where does the time go. Perennial question. Maybe time goes everywhere you are not. It slips away, it is evasive, it is fast moving.
While you are distracted by the most insignificant things, time is traveling somewhere else.
And along with it - your life.
Anyway I'm just going to throw some random stuff at you so I can get my juices flowing again. Although it feels like the juices are at flood level already.
I watched "Boulevard" on Tuesday night. It was Robin Williams' last movie.
Achingly sensitive. I have always maintained that when Williams played a sensitive, vulnerable person in a film, he was playing himself.
I think Robin Williams was an extremely sensitive soul, a man who was ruled by emotions and who was empathetic to the suffering of all other humans. The kind of person not built to live in this harsh world.
I could describe myself with the same words but it would spark a mass outcry from certain quarters so I'll keep all that under wraps.
I'm going to give away the movie so look away if you are inclined to watch it.
He plays a 60 year old man who realized at the age of 12 that he was gay. He repressed that fact for 48 years so that his entire life was warped and unreal. He wound up in a long term marriage, he wound up working as a loan officer at a bank for his entire professional life. A job that he despised.
At the age of sixty he cannot stand it anymore. His wife is pushing him to go on a cruise, which he does not want to do because he can't stand the falseness of their relationship anymore.
His boss is pushing him to accept a promotion, which he does not want because he can no longer take pretending that the job means anything to him.
So he blows up his life. Kind of involuntarily, kind of on purpose.
I like the way it ends because you know that he is finally living the life he was meant to live.
Robin Williams plays the role with deep sensitivity. You empathize with the character, you feel his feelings, you cry his tears, you experience his rage.
I was thinking about all the people in this world who are living lies for lives. People who are so far off track that they are numb with bewilderment.
It is sad commentary on how hard it is to live a life. A genuine, true to the soul life.
It is a sad commentary on how easy it is to waste 48 years - and more - in a twisted, soul sucking existence remarkable only in it's hideousness.
Watch the movie and dig the man's last performance.
Maybe set your own life straight if you become so inspired.