I continue to circle back around to cat love.
It is inevitable.
Been enjoying fresh thoughts lately. Thoughts that sparked back into my consciousness as I prepared the previous post.
Any outsider who chanced upon me and my cats in our natural habitat would immediately label me a loony. Make the call, have me committed.
Which would not necessarily be a bad thing. I have honestly felt for years that a stint in a rubber room would be perfect medicine.
I have no problem faking lunacy. Some might argue there is no faking involved. I would push it to the point where I was locked up alone.
Away from the job. Away from responsibility. Away from distraction, deadlines and commitments.
Away from people.
Sweet release from the ridiculous facade that is required to interact with other humans on a daily basis.
Only then could my soul breathe. Only then could my mind heal.
But I digress.
I talk to my cats constantly. I kiss their little heads 100 times a day. I pick them up. I hug them. I pat them.
I am fascinated with this human/pet relationship. Lakota was sleeping innocently and peacefully in my lap recently and I was staring at her. Watching her breathe. Drinking in her natural beauty of markings and soul.
I achieve supreme peace when I interact with them. It occurred to me that the lack of that experience is exactly what poisons my every day life.
I cannot connect 100% one on one with any other human. I don't think I ever have.
Someone with the same sense of humor, the same interests, the same outlook on life, the same intelligence (?).
Does everyone have this problem? Maybe. If so we are a screwed up race of beings.
Speaking for myself (I am not qualified to speak for anyone else) there is always a discomfort, an anxiousness, a disappointment, a gnawing sense of void when I interact with others.
Am I hanging around the wrong people? Quite possible.
Interestingly enough, my career choices have placed me in ridiculous situations, relative to relating.
For the most part, the people I have worked with seem alien to me. I'm sure I come across the same way to them.
There have been exceptions. Usually involving easy laughter. Genuine laughter.
The Fabulous Five at Store# 72 come to mind.
I ache to experience the same soul-deep peace with another human being that I have with my cats.
Maybe that is impossible. Maybe I am asking too much.
Doesn't matter. It is what I need. And the lack thereof is the reason I hate leaving the house every day.
Don't laugh at me with my cats. They are keeping me alive.
(Editor's note: As usual, I must qualify my statements by saying that my family brings me instantaneous peace every time I am lucky enough to be in their company. I am lucky enough to have a wife with whom I can enjoy peaceful moments every single day. This is no small thing. Unfortunately, the majority of my time (as is yours) is spent outside this home and in the company of other humans.)