Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Life Can Be So Hard Sometimes

I crawled out of bed at 6:00 a.m. this morning to give myself some human time.

Eventually made it down to the kitchen and turned on the stove light for guidance.

It blew. The fucking bulb blew.

I was furious. How much more inconvenient can my life get? Now I have to go rummaging in the kitchen cupboards for a replacement bulb.

I muster up the inspiration to do so and discover there are no replacement bulbs.

I put my fist through the wall.

No extra bulbs? What the hell is going on? Did Carol screw up? Was she too damn lazy to buy a new bulb the last time a bulb blew?

Or was it me. I occasionally forget things. Sometimes my mind wanders.

Did I forget to slide through evil Shaws to grab a bulb? Or, more likely, I probably planned to do so on my way home from work and then decided at the last minute that I just could not deal with one more human being.

That happens when you work in retail. That happens when you are a misanthrope.

I was pissed. Frozen in place. Now what the hell do I do?

I could turn on the overhead light in the kitchen but the damn thing is so bright. I don't like bright first thing in the morning.

I did it anyway.

What a horrible shock to my system. Standing there under that revealing light, looking so old, so tired, so vulnerable. Thank god nobody was there to see me in that condition. Blinking back the offensive intrusion of the light that emanated straight through to my brain.

My rhythm was off. Got an early morning rhythm that is smooth and practiced. From years of servitude as that unfortunate being - an employee.

My sequence had been interrupted so now I had to think about every move; concentrate and plan the next move.

Hurt my brain.

Somehow I got through it all. Refreshing the cats' water bowl, swallowing prescription life savers, stretching my neck, whipping up a cup of tea.

But it wasn't easy.

Finally I made it to the recliner, set the tea down, pulled a blanket over me and grabbed a book.

Sweet respite from the harshness of this world.

That's when I noticed I had left the overhead light on in the kitchen.

Goddamn thing distracted me. Too much brightness in my peripheral vision as I tried to escape into my book.

I was exhausted. Worn out from the stress. Could not get my ass up from the recliner. Didn't want to.

The light tormented me until Carol left for work and I finally got up and shut that mutha down.

Today will probably be a disaster for me.

This morning might possibly have been the worst morning in the history of my life.

Long as I have been on this planet, sometimes I still cannot believe how difficult life can be.

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