Let's review.
For weeks now I have been pursuing positive things. Exercising religiously. Six days a week. I take one day off because I deserve it. Eating better. Eating less. Drinking less whiskey. These things benefit my health, my body and my mind.
I have been listening to podcasts; something new for me. Reading the writings of James Clear, a man whose philosophy towards life and change resonates with me.
Got references for a couple of meditation apps from Keith and Krista. Haven't checked them out yet but I will.
The goal here is to supercharge my brain, to send it off in a new direction. To find a new way of thinking. A way of thinking that will help me; not hurt me.
On Thursday I bought a brand new car. 2020 Hyndai Elantra. Love it. I feel good about it because it was a goal Carol and I established and I got it done.
We have been talking. We recognize our age and our increasing health and financial vulnerability. My car had 107,000 miles on it; Carol's has over 100,000. We knew we had to find a way to buy a new car, one that we could rely on for many years to come sans worry.
I did the research in this time of coronavirus deals, and I got it done. I felt very good, proud and powerful as I drove my trophy home Thursday afternoon.
Friday morning I got laid off from the city job. Boom. Just like that. I expected it but not in such a guillotine style. Got called and emailed Friday telling me I was done as of Friday. No warning.
That felt pretty cold to me.
I am losing the Capitol Center job as of May 2. They told me two months ago. That's the way it should be handled.
I will be gainfully unemployed as of May 2.
Here's the deal. I have had a few opportunities in my life to turn my life around, to make it my own. I blew it every time. Wasted the opportunities. And I knew it as I was pissing them away; even as my brain recognized the potential I tortured myself with the knowledge I was accomplishing nothing.
The biggest and best opportunity was in 1985 when I got laid off from Wang labs. I was 31 years old at the time. Keith was 5, Craig was 1 and 1/2.
In those days companies treated their employees with respect (somewhat). The severance package was insane - at least 6 months with pay and benefits. Maybe a year. I don't remember. And I had access to Wang facilities; copiers, fax machines, computers, printers, counselors.
I knew I had been handed an opportunity to change my life, to escape accounting, to slip away from the corporate world. Lamely, I tried. I picked up a book called What Color Is Your Parachute; a supposed guide to changing careers. I went to see a career change counselor.
But I could not specifically define what it was I wanted to do. I was not self-aware enough, I did not try hard enough. What a fool. I got nowhere. And I am pretty sure my next job was in accounting.
Here I am in 2020. With yet another opportunity to take a shot at twisting my life into shape. Probably the last chance I will ever get.
A clean fucking slate. Nothing in front of me but possibilities. And my mind and my body are in a pretty good place.
All depends on what kind of unemployment benefits I get. If they are adequate I can go after this with everything I got. Which I will. But if the money is not enough I will have to find a way for us to survive. That could be disastrous for me.
I am looking at what is in front of me with eyes wide open. I am alert and aware. This does not have to be a catastrophe. I don't feel negative about it. I am fully aware that it could be the greatest opportunity of my life. Maybe the last great opportunity of my life.
No pressure.
On a positive note - I went food shopping yesterday. In the process I scored a package of 9
mega-rolls of Charmin Ultra-Strong toilet paper.
Life is good.
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