Unclaimed Bodies

Layers of suffering keep getting exposed.

The image of a mass temporary grave of unclaimed bodies being covered over in dirt on an island off of New York City is haunting.

Did you see that? The wooden coffins were buried side by side - tightly - and one on top of another. Workers were shoveling dirt over them; a bulldozer was shoving dirt over them.

Unclaimed bodies. As sad as it gets. Mass temporary grave site. As unimaginable as it gets.

As the horrors multiply, as the suffering and sadness become more apparent, the mind recoils.

Gratefulness. I am learning to be grateful.

As 20,000 people die, as families mourn, as health care workers die, as grocery store clerks die, as first responders die, I sit at home in comfort under no current financial stress.

It's a fucking vacation for me. Simple as that.

Craig left his job tending bar in November or December to work for an insurance company. He is working from home and getting paid. Amanda works where he worked - she got laid off. If Craig was still there they would both be out of work.

I am grateful he made the move when he did.

Keith recently moved from Concord to Portsmouth. Another way the coronavirus has interrupted our lives is that Carol and I haven't seen his new apartment yet. And won't for months to come. But that's not my point. Keith is much closer to his job and much closer to Krista. So his life is a little easier at this hard time. He works from home and is getting paid.

I am grateful for all of this.

Krista got laid off but she is collecting unemployment and her landlord is working with her on the rent.

I am grateful for that.

I started working for the City of Concord in September. Carol brought in zero income in October. We survived it because of my two jobs. Right now we are both working from home and getting paid. The Capitol Center is paying me for actual work and the city is paying me to do nothing. We have a healthy chunk of change in savings and a lot of room on a couple of credit cards.

I am grateful for all that.

I am working very hard to change my life. Physically and especially, psychologically. I am putting the time to good use, instead of swilling whiskey.

I am grateful that my brain still works after a lifelong commitment to destroying it.

My family is healthy. We are financially sound. I am so grateful for that.

I look at us; I look at the world.

This situation is frightening. Life or death. Financially threatening. The other side of it will not be pretty. We will not just get back to normal. The world is going to be weird. Life is going to be weird.

We will have to adjust.

I am hurting to see so many deaths, so much misery, so much injustice and inequities in the way people are being treated.

I am so grateful that my family is ok.