I almost made it.
I tried to make my January 1 post raw and honest. Got pretty close.
The whole point was to put my failures down in writing. Right in front of my face. Seeing them in writing, tapping away at the keyboard, makes them so real. And so pathetic. Hopefully makes me think. And act.
I was cruising along until I got to the end. Then I went for cute. I always have to go for the wrap up. Many times it's good; others times it is sappy.
"I'll have a good thought" was sappy. Going for entertainment rather than truth. Are you kidding me? That was weak.
So I reiterate the painful truth:
I am weak. I don't try hard enough.
I have to learn to love myself. This is critical.
I have come to believe that is the key to all happiness and success. Because not loving yourself is a disease; it poisons everything - the way you perceive the world, the way you perceive others, the way you look at things you do and don't do, the way you interpret things that happen to you.
Self-loathing is an opaque filter that is a barrier to getting to the truth.
And from Duane Allman - I will be the best man I possibly can. Simple. Straightforward. My ultimate goal. Because if I get there I will be happy. And proud.
That's it. Forget about "I'll have a good thought." I mean I love the phrase and I think it is powerful.
But I have a lot heavier stuff to deal with than just that.
No comments:
Post a Comment