Stars Aligned

 And now I have two Irish poets to soothe my soul and inform my emotions. A glut of pure beauty.

John O'Donahue, courtesy of U2 on New Year's Eve. Seamus Heaney, courtesy of Joe Biden. Biden is fond of Irish poets. At President Biden's inauguration, Lin-Manuel Miranda read one of Heaney's poems.

I was hooked. Already bought a book of his poetry.

Wait, wait, wait.......................don't run away yet. You see reference to poetry and you think "Shit, I don't need this Joe, for Christ sake - not poetry again.............." Just like you run away when I go on about music and lyrics.

I understand where you are coming from. Although the world might be a better place if more people paid attention to poetry.

However, I am in here to talk about me and the transformation (necessary to survive) that I am making in 2021.

What more possibly interesting topic can you imagine than me?

When I was furloughed in 2020 I tried to improve my mind to improve my life. But I took what turned out to be a non-natural and pretentious approach. I thought if I read Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Marcus Aurelius I would be reborn. But as I did it it just didn't feel right. Have you ever read Ralph Waldo Emerson? Good luck with that, baby.

I got some benefit but not the soul-nourishing benefit I am looking for.

The stars aligned in 2021. Randomly (maybe?) Got these two magnificent poets whose poetry resonates with me. Emotions stirred, ladies and gentlemen. Reading their words, memorizing some of it.

Got U2 non-stop on Sirius absolutely inspiring me and drawing out deep emotion. They never let me down.

I began meditating, using a website Keith recommended to me a while back. Meditation works, folks. I never thought it did but the more I explore it the greater benefit I get from it.

I made a firm decision to hit the ground running as I deal with this cancer thing. 2 and 1/2 weeks ago I drastically changed my diet and got very serious about exercising. I already lost some weight and already feel a difference mentally and physically.

I am writing a lot. Writing is the one talent I have that I am proud of. It is the one thing that gives me sweet and total release every single time. It validates my existence.

I started memorization exercises of my own design. Memorizing poetry and quotes that are meaningful to me.

Memorization, exercise and diet are designed to directly confront potential side effects of hormone therapy. Like I said - hittting the ground running.

I am reading the writing of James Clear, a practical life advice guy who connects with me perfectly.

The combined effect of all these things has brought me great peace. It is blowing me away because it all came together randomly but somehow it is having tremendous positive effect on me. Stunning, actually.

I don't do everything every day. I bought a 2021 calendar and set up a schedule to follow. How many days a week to exercise, how many to write, how many to meditate etc. I made it realistic to accomodate my work vs leisure time. I began tracking it so I can feel good about what I accomplish and to wake myself up if I slack off.

Dieting is the only one I do every day.

Please understand - I am not a "schedule" guy. Not a budget guy, not a deadlines and commitments guy, not a discipline guy - I don't like fucking rules or constraints. But this is working for me so far and it feels very right.

The days when I achieve a solid number of my goals leave me feeling so peaceful. I am actually stunned at how good it makes me feel.

I am helping myself at a precise moment where I need help. Coronavirus has worn me down psychologically. Prostate cancer hangs over me like a black cloud. I feel very positive about my chances to kick this thing but I would be lying if I said I didn't worry about it at all.

Strange to say, but maybe having cancer is the catalyst that will wake me the fuck up and put me on the road to happiness and self-actualization. I hate words like self-actualization but it is the best way to describe where I need to go.

I believe there is a bit of mysticism involved here - I did not plan this out. For instance, anyone who knows me well would expect me to lean on the Allman Brothers and Hunter S. Thompson to get through this shit. But that is not how it went. And I don't know why.

Whatever is going on, I like the mix I have brewed up for myself. It makes me feel good.

What else do I need beyond that?