Fucking Taxes

Our taxes are not done.

I fucking HATE dealing with this shit. HATE IT.

Online tax prep services are designed to torture - they pretend to be user friendly then they thwart you at every turn, every request, every phone call, every online attempt to communicate.

They fucking suck.

Earlier this year I confidently told Carol the taxes would be done by the end of February. I feel it's important to present a rosy demeanor.

At some point I started dealing with a tax prep service. I had questions. I tried to call. The calls never went through. I tried to prompt informative emails from them to me through their automated system. "Please say your name" - "Joe Testa" - is that J-o-e C-h-r-e-s-t-a?" No. No it is not. You are not even fucking close.

My timeline gets skewed because of the 3/4 insanity of my existence. 4 days to function as a human, 3 days functioning as a Dead Man Walking.

Time goes by. Time goes by. Time goes by.

And now it's May 8 and the fucking taxes are not done.

So this morning I trolled two other tax prep servcies to get a feel. I eventually felt like vomiting.

I have wasted so much time - many, many hours - fucking around with taxes that if I died today and Jesus was reviewing my life, he would look at this time period and ask "What the hell were you thinking? You were that close to death and you spent it banging your head against the wall fucking around with taxes?"

I AM NOT AN ACCOUNTANT, so don't lay this shit at my feet. I despise this kind of shit. I don't want to deal with it. I want to write poetry.

Decision point - I am going to do the goddamn taxes manually. Just like the old days. I just downloaded the forms, I can input the info on my laptop, print the goddamn things out and put them in the fucking mail.

By the time I am done I will have spent 103,456 hours on this stupidity and I will probably OWE the IRS money.

I am not in a happy place right now.

Break out your machete and hack me to pieces.