Because Maka Is Not Here

The screen door on the porch is no longer latched because

Maka's not here.

I ate my supper silently last night,  no one snooped around my plate because

Maka's not here.

I opened the freezer without Maka at my heels to see what I was up to (she would wander into the kitchen every time we slid the freezer drawer out).

I emptied her food bowl and did not fill another.

I did my backwards slide step so I would not step on her eternally curious self, for no reason because

Maka's not here.

Little noises make me look back around, but Maka's not here.

I sit alone in my recliner because Maka's not here.

I automatically check the cat food inventory........for no reason.

I washed all her bowls - lately we put out bowls for cat food, cat paste, yogurt - anything to get her to eat.

Five or six bowls a day.

There was blood on the last bowl I put out, there was blood on her water bowl.

I will not be washing bowls today.

I left the mouse on the mouse pad next to my laptop on the kitchen table instead of putting it on top of the bookcase (she used to knock the mouse off the table) because

Maka's not here.

I went to bed alone, knowing I would wake up alone. Thought I might feel a little better. I don't.

As opposed to yesterday morning, when she spent 3 hours in bed with me, then walked the mattress to touch my nose with her nose.

I cried a lot yesterday. I cried hard this morning. Because

Maka's not here.

Maka was a little thing. A tiny life force who leaves a huge void in this house.

I am waiting for Carol to come home today. It will be so hard for her to walk into this empty house. My heart aches for her.

I hurt so badly

Carol hurts so badly

We love you, Maka.

We love you with all of our hearts.