Expectations

I am walking a fine line here.

I am into my fifth day of vacation and it's feeling magnificent. Staring down the barrel of Nashville in gleeful anticipation. Day after tomorrow I land in Tennessee.

How sweet it is.

Got a Covid booster shot on Monday (Phil did too) because we figure we're gonna be in some redneck bars with some potentially ignorant people. I will love Nashville, but not enough to die for it.

I am not looking for nuclear change over the course of this vacation but I would like to negotiate some kind of bend in the road. Set me off in a new and healthier direction.

I think Nashville can be a spark for me because I will be me - me in my own element. This is a radical deal for me. Kind of like taking LSD.

My mind will be assaulted with newness. A whole different environment. Endorphins will be flooding my brain non-stop. This may open my mind to a new and different perspective. Fire up some inspiration.

Once I experience that level of joy, I will not easily slip back into the misery I choose to wallow in every day. 

Kind of like letting the cat out of the bag. When Real Joe pokes his head up through the bile and inhales lungfuls of beauty and happiness and fun, it might be tough to force him back down inside that gunny sack.

I know you think this is fanciful - mere (and continued) wishful thinking on my part.

But I am considering the context.

I haven't even been on a plane in well over 20 years. The only vacations we have taken in decades have been to Old Orchid Beach. 

This whole thing will be mind blowing for me. Huge. Almost unimaginable.

I am hoping it plants a seed.

But at the very least it will be a goddamn good time.