For Carol

 "I don't need a whole lots of money, I don't need a big fine car, I got everything that a man could want, I got more than I could ask for, and I don't have to run around, I don't have to stay out all night, 'cause I got me a sweet, a sweet loving woman, and she know just how to treat me right.

Oh, my baby, she's alright, oh, my baby's clean out of sight, don't you know that she's............

She's some kind of wonderful, she's some kind of wonderful, yes, she is, she is, she's some kind of wonderful, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

Some Kind of Wonderful, by Grand Funk Railroad

As I sit here every night, and as time insists on flowing right by me, taunting me, leaving a vapor trail in its wake, I realize more and more that I may never have the life I want. I may never achieve anything professionally that I can be proud of. I may never do what I was born to do. This could be my life until the end of time.

Carol and I sit side by side every night - me in the recliner, her on the couch, watching the Red Sox or the documentary on the Rolling Stones, or City On A Hill, or.................whatever interests us at that moment, in the warmth of a love that spans four decades plus. The comfort of that love. The peace of mind of that love.

Carol's job is to make clear how much of my life I waste - waste - in regret, worry and self-loathing. To teach me how to enjoy myself in every situation, to be happy. To be happy now.

She is a good teacher.

She laughs easily, she enjoys the little things, she has grit, talent, and an endlessly positive attitude.

I take more and more notice of her every night. I enjoy her more. I wonder at the easy way she approaches life.

The more I let go of my regret at the life I should have lived, the things I should have achieved, the more Carol's vibe informs my own. I get happier when I let go of myself and pay atention to her.

She's some kind of wonderful.