I Wish, Kevin

I wish, Kevin, that you had told me more,
told me everything, made your pain my pain.
That I had listened more sensitively, more intuitively,
that I could have gotten past your words and into your heart.

I thought I knew you but, obviously, I didn't know you all the way through.

I wish we spent more time together,
I wish I thought about you more when we were apart.
I wish, Kevin, that I could recall every laugh we ever shared.
And every tear.
And private conversation.

I wish you didn't hurt as much as I didn't know you did.
That you could have found a better answer.

I wish my attention never wandered in your company.

I wish we could go to one more Allman Brothers concert together.

One more day at the track, drinking PBR's and an occasional shot
of Crown Royal, and talking trash about each other's drivers.
Sitting in the sun for five hours before the race, dancing back to
the parking lot afterwards to gorge on food magically delicious
after excessive alcohol consumption.

I wish, Kevin, that you came down to stay with me and Carol every time
you thought about it instead of telling us you almost came, after the fact.
We would have fed you and listened to you and comforted you, just like
we did years ago when you lived with us for a while.

Remember watching movies together? Remember "Rush" (1991)?
I'm pretty sure we watched that more than once.
I'm pretty sure I bored you with my awe at digging Gregg Allman in a movie.

I wish we could be the grillmeisters at Sarge and Cori's Memorial Day barbecue
one more time.
With Sarge looking over our shoulders and making me nervous as hell.

Now you are both gone.
What the hell am I gonna do?

We should have had 25 more years together.

I love you Kevin like you are my own flesh and blood.
I love Jeff and Paul the same way.
I always did.
In my head I forever thought of you guys as the three amigos.

It hurts me deeply that you are gone, Carol is broken too.

I hope you have found some peace.