Postscript to Feeling (Alive?)

After I put down the previous words I went to Youtube to listen to "Dancing In The Sky" by Dani & Lizzy.

First time.

It broke me.

The lyrics are hopeful. They make great sense in relation to Jonathan's life.

"Now tell me, what do you do in heaven? Are your days filled with love and light? Is there music? Is there art and invention? Tell me, are you happy? Are you more alive?"

  There is also a recognition of the void.

""Cause here on earth it feels like everything good is missing since you left, and here on earth everything's different, there's an emptiness."

The chorus brings back the magic.

"I hope you're dancing in the sky, and I hope you're singing in the angel's choir, and I hope the angels know what they have, I bet it's so nice in heaven since you arrived, since you arrived."

I hope the angels know what they have.

I hope so because we humans don't always know what we have and that is the definition of regret.

I listened to that song with tears streaming down my face.

I have cried enough tears today.

Carol and I have fielded three awful, painful, mind blowing phone calls since December.

I hope the next goddamn early morning phone call is from my sons or their women or my brother telling us they won 300 trillion dollars in the lottery.

Enough already.

Enough.