I think the worst thing you can say about a woman is that she wears sensible shoes.
That term - sensible shoes - carries with it an overwhelming burden of innuendo.
As I ponder this very serious topic it invades my reality that the same innuendo applies to men.
Sensible shoes.
Fuck sensible shoes.
Man, if you are wearing sensible shoes you must be working in retail or cooking in a kitchen or have a seriously warped sense of fashion.
Zappa, with the Mothers of Invention, wrote a song titled "Brown Shoes Don't Make it."
Same idea as sensible shoes, kind of, but quite darkly articulated.
Urban legend has it that the song was inspired by the fact that in 1966 a reporter for Time Magazine - Hugh Sidey - guessed that something was wrong when the fastidiously dressed President Lyndon Johnson appeared in public wearing brown shoes with a grey suit. Later that day Johnson flew to Viet Nam for a public relations visit.
Some lyrics (and I'm paraphrasing):
" Brown shoes don't make it, quit school, why fake it, TV dinner by the pool, watch your brother grow a beard, got another year of school, you're OK, he's too weird, be a plummer, he's a bummer, be a loyal plastic robot for a world that doesn't care, a world of secret hungers perverting the men who make your laws, every desire is hidden away in a drawer in a desk by a Naugahyde chair on a rug where they walk and drool past the girls in the office, we see in the back of the City Hall mind the dream of a girl about thirteen, off with her clothes and into a bed where she tickles his fancy all night long......................"
You get the point.
For Christ sake do not wear sensible shoes ever in public. When you finish cooking or lying to retail customers, change your shoes. Before you walk through the doors of hell into whatever your reality is.
And do not, ever, under any circumstances, wear brown shoes with a grey suit.
People are judging you, baby and negative reviews may be something you never recover from.
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