Hey Moe!

I felt hollow all week long.

Thin, transparent, hollowed out and practically non-existent.

Back to work syndrome.

I took ten days off from HELL at the end of June. June 19 - June 28. Didn't tell you about it.

Apparently it was a closely held secret.

I spent that time beautifully. Read a lot, exercised a lot, researched job opportunities a lot, applied for jobs, listened to music, cooked, visited my brother, enjoyed a magnificent Father's Day, spent a day with Carol.

The vacation was designed to re-shape my mind and habits and attitudes so I can get on with my life.

Nothing takes when you are consumed with hate.

Monday, June 29 I was back on the job and deeply back into the juvenile, meaningless shit I have to deal with as a result of who I work with and what I do.

The vacation didn't take.

I presume that if you are living your life in accordance with your soul, a vacation is a delightful interlude. Something that nurtures and heals you, allowing you to breathe. So that when you return to the workplace you are rested and positive.

I doubt that is true of most people. I think my experience is probably more honest.

A vacation serves as more of an escape, so it is tinged with negativity. I tried hard to turn my time off into something positive and to avoid experiencing it as an escape.

My emotions upon returning to The Asylum exposed the truth.

Maybe I expect too much. Ten days of introspection and mind altering are not enough to explode into a new reality. At least not for me.

I staggered through the week. I have not exercised once this week and that is the first time that has happened since May 1.

My mindset was negative and horrified.

Change must happen from within. I know that, and that is what I am trying to achieve.

Wasting ten work related hours a day is not conducive to internal change.

Not without superhuman effort.

Thank God I have three days off. Sat, Sun and Mon.

Three more days to try to re-set my mind and therefore my reality.

I'm under a lot of pressure.

Feels like I have to move forward in 2015 or I will slide backwards in 2016.

I have no room for backwards.

I have a friend who used to claim that odd numbered years were good for him, even numbered years were bad.

I used to think that was stupid.

I am beginning to think there is wisdom in that.

In addition I have the added pressure of weather.

Warm weather is good for me, cold weather is anathema.

Not much of 2015 left. Precious little "warm" weather left.

As verbalized by a character in a Three Stooges short, and paraphrased by me - I feel like the Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.