A Strange Brain

My brain is strange.

Apparently when I came face to face with the shocking 194 pounds truth on 12/31, willpower deserted me.

Today is January 22. If I have exercised more than five times this month it is a fucking miracle. As I continue to hear myself getting fatter.

Some of that inconsistency is attributable to the new job. It has turned my schedule upside down. The odd thing about this job is that it is completely unpredictable. It's one thing to know I am working Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The wild card is that I find myself going in on days off, or going in earlier than I was scheduled to. Of course this is nothing but excuses. I realize that all I have to do is change my personal schedule to fit exercise back into my life.

To be clear - the schedule changes are completely up to me. My boss will ask me if I can make these changes and he makes it clear that this is not a command. I have a choice. It's one of the things I love about him. I can say no and there is no ill will.

I don't mind doing it because it helps everybody out. We all help each other out. It's pretty cool.

The point I am making is that precisely at the point in time where I have lots of confidence and determination in the new year, I fall apart on the exercise thing. Like a fucking jellyfish.

So today is Day One. Again.

I am going to attack my body like the alien thing it has become. Consistent, relentless exercise. I am going to radically change my diet. I can't be beat, I won't be beat.

What I need is grit. Never had it before, but I do now. Grit is defined as the perseverance and passion to achieve long-term goals. Aka mental toughness. 

I have read a lot about this characteristic, through James Clear and others. It is generally agreed that grit can outperform intelligence and natural talent.

I believe this.

Grit requires confidence as fuel. You gotta believe in yourself. Believe in what you are doing.

I was confident on January 1, 1954. By January 2, doubt crept in. It has been a long slog since. But I am feeling cocky right now. I got the happiness thing going on, gratitude, pride, determination and.......grit.

"Perseverance and passion to achieve long-term goals." Weight loss has obviously become a long-term goal. That became evident in December when I lost zero pounds despite maximum effort.

All of 2022 is dedicated to losing weight. I believe I can do it, regardless of the doom and gloom Doctors Feelgood send my way. Their negativity fuels me.

I get weighed every three months when I get another hormone shot. They monitor weight gain closely because it is the evil devil in this process. I got three more shots to go in 2022 and then I am done.

At some point this year I will step on that fucking adversary of a scale and Dr. Feelgood will say "Holy shit, Joe - you have lost X pounds. You are a fucking God. You should write a book."

And I will respond "All it takes is grit, Doc. And for $250/month, you can enroll in the Joe Testa All It Takes Is Grit online seminar, and you too can remake your life."

In closing I would just like to say: "Fuck prostate cancer, fuck hormone therapy, and fuck my bloated body."

I will triumph in 2022.