Two Failures

I carry two failures with me into 2022.

1) An inability to lose weight. 

This one really pisses me off. I am all-in in this fight. I will do whatever it fucking takes. I have put maximum effort into it and failed. And failed. And failed.

I dropped from 195 to 185 early-on in 2021. Then I ballooned up to 194 and here I sit. Fat, uncomfortable, and furious.

But I refuse to give up. Gotta get me another hormone shot on Tuesday. I am going to ask Dr. Feelgood for advice. If she cannot help I will do some research. Obviously my approach is not working. I refuse to believe that I "cannot lose weight during hormone therapy". Fuck that.

Hormone therapy ends at the end of 2022. I am not going to weigh 700 pounds when that happens. I want to dance out of the urology department after my last shot and buy myself a beautifully tailored Italian made suit.

You know - for all the formal functions I normally attend.

2) I did not line up a therapist.

I am beginning to think the word is out in therapist circles. "Don't take this guy on - he's a fucking lunatic. He has so many neuroses and psychoses he can't even brush his teeth without crying."

Fucking Covid, man - everybody is fucked up. Everybody has their skull under examination. So therapists are "not accepting new patients at this time."

Again, I refuse to give up.

I will launch an all-out assault on the profession until I bully a therapist into taking a chance on me.

Christ, you'd think they'd relish the challenge. They could write papers about me. They could write a book and get richer.

"How I Successfully Negotiated The Dark Labyrinths of One Man's Twisted Psyche and Survived."

I will not allow these two failures to sabotage my 2022 enthusiasm. Ain't gonna happen.

I will keep moving forward.

Stay out of my fucking way.