Sunday, October 16, 2011

Another Chapter Ends

And so another chapter in my life closes. Bartending.
This one hurts a little. As I have explained ad nauseum, I spent somewhere around twenty five years being a professional or an accountant. Horrifying, torturous years. The size of my liver can attest to that fact. What marks those years consistently is the fact that I never tried very hard to change things. I was fatalistic, lazy, stupid, dazed, uninspired - choose your adjective - but for whatever reason I never really TRIED to liberate myself from that world. As unhappy as I was, as lost and confused and uncommitted as I was, I never really TRIED.
In 2005 I was laid off from my last accounting job. At that point I knew that I could never do that again. Never again pass day after day after day imprisoned in a cubicle, where the air is stale and the future is on hold.
I decided to become a bartender, which I considered a brilliant decision. It was a brilliant decision in some aspects. First of all it was the first decision I had made in decades actually designed to take control of my life, to do something that made sense to me, something I could enjoy, regardless of the financial considerations. I did it for me, not for the mortgage vampire and that felt good. I have the right personality, and I am certainly well acquainted with booze and the world of booze. Made sense to me.
Took a one week bartending course and ironically almost quit after the first night. I was overwhelmed at how much I had to learn in a week and came home telling Carol I didn't think I could do it and should quit while I could still get my money back. In her typical supportive style she convinced me to stick it out; she believed in me (as she has consistently for 33 years, with little payback from me). She was right. I survived it and went out interviewing.
At almost every interview I would sit in the parking lot gagging for a couple of minutes, one breath away from throwing up, which would have made quite an impression on my potential employer. But I was that nervous. No bartending experience at all, and all I had was a little piece of paper from bartending school, and yet I had to walk into that bar or restaurant and ask them for a job. I did it over and over again. Nobody was interested. I forgot to factor in the fact that I was not a gorgeous twenty three year old babe. No bar wants to hire an inexperienced fifty two year old, grey haired, pot bellied bartender.
My dreams of working in a funky blues joint, making good money and dancing behind the bar went down the toilet. Eventually I started interviewing at legions and vfw's. Ended up getting hired by Ralph Luongo, a guy I never thought would hire me, at an American Legion post. I will always be grateful to him for giving me a shot.
It was a tough transition because this was not even close to what I had in mind the day I decided to become a bartender. And a legion is not the easiest place to learn the trade. The audience is tough and vocal, and you are as much a personal secretary as you are a bartender.
But I learned, through many painful barshifts. I stuck it out and became good at it. I proved to myself I could do it but the money wasn't there, not even close. Tipping and generous are two words that do not co-exist in the world of veterans' bars. There are many reasons for this, and I am not whining about it, because it is what it is - if you can't handle it then you shouldn't be working there.
After a couple of years experience I did another round of interviews, which proved to me that I was too old, too grey, too fat. No one was interested, even though I had experience this time.
I did leave the legion twice but neither opportunity worked out, so both times I went crawling back and was lucky enough for them to take me back. I ended up working there for 5 and 1/2 years.
Now I am at The Booze Emporium and finally getting enough hours. I recently quit the legion for the third and final time.
Feels like a failed experiment, bad timing, strange circumstances. At another time in my life I would have thrived as a bartender. I would have loved it. But it was not to be.
I have reached the end of another chapter in my life. I can survive that because I am proud of the decision and proud of the effort I dedicated to it. I have started another chapter, in many ways, and I am hoping to make something work for me in some way. Because I am not in a hurry to get to the end of the book. I just hope that when someone else reads that final chapter they will say "Goddamn he did it. He pulled it off. He beat the odds."

No comments:

Post a Comment