Thursday, October 13, 2011

Don't Talk To Me

I don't believe in verbal communication. That's why I write. We'd probably be better off as a species if we grunted to each other or, even better, used sign language. Imagine how much more of the world you could experience if nobody talked. You would suddenly be exposed to the sounds of the world in wonder. 'Twould be amazing.
Oh my god - what is that music I hear? What is that missile flying over my head? Birds? We have birds on this planet?
A personal aside on the grunting thing. I very often reply to Carol's comments with a grunt and she likes to point this out to me in amusement. I am perpetually tired and talking requires energy. And honestly, she talks a lot more than I do. I am not a talker, as previously mentioned. But the other day in The Booze Emporium I made yet another unoriginal comment about the weather to a customer ( the least challenging way to make contact with other humans) and the guy grunted. I was like "Holy shit, that must be what I sound like to Carol." I wanted to smack the guy. Sorry, babes.
People don't really listen when you talk and even worse, they interrupt you. Don't you hate that? I despise it. I think that is the most blatant form of disrespect and self absorption. Someone who believes that what they have to say is so important that they have to interrupt what you are saying to regurgitate their own thoughts and opinions.
The whole opinion thing amuses me. I try not to be too vocal about my opinions in speech (I'm probably kidding myself) which is why I volcano them out in here. People are always trying to change other peoples' opinions. Are you kidding me? Do you really think that at the age of fifty seven I really give a damn about your opinion? I am not interested in your opinion of my opinion and I am REALLY not interested in your trying to prove me wrong. Opinions grow through experience and are warped by our own delusions and prejudices. They are uniquely unique. And they are rarely factual. In addition we are all in constant combat to prove ourselves superior to one another, so there is a lot of chest thumping involved in opinion rendering. You can offer me your opinion if it is completely in sync with my own; if not, just tell me a joke, make me laugh. I would rather laugh at your joke than to suppress a laugh about your opinion.
People who are forceful with their opinions are endlessly entertaining to me. The kind that talk to you as if their opinion is solid fact and that only a fool would disagree with them. I call them GOP's. Grotesquely Opinionated People. You get this all the time in retail. I have people say things to me at the register that make me want to break out my machete and behead them. Instead I yes them to death as if I agree with them because talking to a blockhead is an exercise in supreme frustration.
At this point I imagine there are hundreds of Booze Emporium customers who have walked away thinking "Wow I really connected with that pony tailed booze clerk." And I'm standing there thinking "I wonder if that moron can even find his way home."
I think the whole opinion thing springs from the need to feel important. You want to display your supreme intelligence and flawless reasoning ability to the world and, more than that, you want someone to agree with you. You lose all bowel control if it appears that you have changed somebody's opinion. If the listener appears to be considering your comments and then responds "You know, I think you're right", you start clapping your hands like a little child and jumping up and down in glee.
As far as not listening goes, when you tell somebody something, most people use it as a springboard to talk about themselves. You walk in to work with your arm in a sling and tell your buddy you fell and broke your arm while reaching for an apple in your orchard while riding your unicycle. He immediately launches into his remembrances of breaking his own arm playing flag football in a girls' league, followed by a brief history of unicycle riding leading into his opinion of circuses and novelty acts. It's forty five minutes later and your head is spinning. Empathy is hard to come by, baby.
I am not a fan of verbal communication. We don't say a lot that is meaningful or even true. We try to force our opinions on others as if our life experiences make us omniscient. They don't. They only make us unique. Uniqueness should be appreciated and enjoyed, not watered down by spreading it around like a communicable disease, or by trying to attract converts.
Keep your opinions to yourself. Say something to me to make me laugh. I'll laugh at your opinions in private.

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