Sobbing is a uniquely human expression. I have never seen my cats sob and I pray to god I never do because I could not bear to know that they were that profoundly sad.
I'm talking about really crying; body wracking uncontrollable weeping. I have sobbed many times alone in my home and it is a deeply disturbing experience.
Crying is one thing. Tears rolling down your face as you feel sad or lost or unhappy, an emotional reaction to something you have seen or heard. Sobbing is a direct connection between your mind and your body. It is your body expressing what your mind and soul are feeling and thinking spontaneously and uncontrollably.
Sometimes it happens as the result of something you are consciously thinking of, but your reaction is so passionate that you go beyond tears to sobbing. I think on those occasions it is probably a given that you are not upset because you just discovered that you ran out of peanut butter. Although, the human mind being as strange as it is, sometimes a little thing like that sets you off, forcing you to recognize a deeper dilemma.
Weirder still are the times the sobbing comes out of no where. This has happened to me. You are alone at home going about your business and suddenly your body is shaking, strange sounds are emanating from your mouth and the tears are flowing down your cheeks. This is unnerving. This is your mind, your soul saying "Hey - wake up - look at what is going on here - you are deeply unfulfilled and you cannot bury it. We will not let you bury it."
I have never felt a sense of resolution after an episode. There is definitely a physical relief, an emotional release, but it never feels like anything has been solved. I have been blown away by the intensity of it. My god, where did that come from? How could I cry so deeply, so completely. The connection between my mind and body is so direct that it almost feels like I have been zapped with 1.21 jigawatts of electricity. Like when you accidentally come in contact with electrical power and get zapped, and realize that had the surge been stronger or your contact more direct, you might be dead.
It would be better to sob in someone's arms; that level of emotional distress requires warmth, love, compassion and an attempt at understanding, to even get close to feeling comforted. But humans are not equipped to deal with emotion of that magnitude; it is awkward and frightening, and the observer no doubt feels helpless in trying to know what to do. I'm guessing that most sobbing is done alone.
It is overwhelming to realize that unhappiness can grow to such proportions in a human being. That it can become bigger than your mind can deal with and almost bigger than your physical body can handle. When you are convulsing, it's like your body is saying "There should be a better way for me to handle this, a more efficient way to provide relief, but this thing is just too damn big and this is the best that I can do."
I am betting that there a hell of a lot of tears being privately shed around the world. Probably a good thing. Maybe it's good to release that steam before the top blows off, or before you end up swallowing emotion-smothering pills to keep Nurse Ratched off your ass.
I haven't sobbed in a long time and I'm glad. I'm taking the approach that my mind is s-l-o-w-l-y making sense of things and that my adjustment to functioning in society is coming along nicely. But you never know. I'm dreaming big things right now and expending major effort. Failure is not an option.
There could be more sobbing in my future. If so, I'll try to read the message. Keep the lines of communication between my mind, soul and body directly open immediately after the episode for as long as possible. That is probably the most honest and deeply raw glimpse into my soul I'm ever going to get. I'd be willing to shed a few tears for that vision.
I'm talking about really crying; body wracking uncontrollable weeping. I have sobbed many times alone in my home and it is a deeply disturbing experience.
Crying is one thing. Tears rolling down your face as you feel sad or lost or unhappy, an emotional reaction to something you have seen or heard. Sobbing is a direct connection between your mind and your body. It is your body expressing what your mind and soul are feeling and thinking spontaneously and uncontrollably.
Sometimes it happens as the result of something you are consciously thinking of, but your reaction is so passionate that you go beyond tears to sobbing. I think on those occasions it is probably a given that you are not upset because you just discovered that you ran out of peanut butter. Although, the human mind being as strange as it is, sometimes a little thing like that sets you off, forcing you to recognize a deeper dilemma.
Weirder still are the times the sobbing comes out of no where. This has happened to me. You are alone at home going about your business and suddenly your body is shaking, strange sounds are emanating from your mouth and the tears are flowing down your cheeks. This is unnerving. This is your mind, your soul saying "Hey - wake up - look at what is going on here - you are deeply unfulfilled and you cannot bury it. We will not let you bury it."
I have never felt a sense of resolution after an episode. There is definitely a physical relief, an emotional release, but it never feels like anything has been solved. I have been blown away by the intensity of it. My god, where did that come from? How could I cry so deeply, so completely. The connection between my mind and body is so direct that it almost feels like I have been zapped with 1.21 jigawatts of electricity. Like when you accidentally come in contact with electrical power and get zapped, and realize that had the surge been stronger or your contact more direct, you might be dead.
It would be better to sob in someone's arms; that level of emotional distress requires warmth, love, compassion and an attempt at understanding, to even get close to feeling comforted. But humans are not equipped to deal with emotion of that magnitude; it is awkward and frightening, and the observer no doubt feels helpless in trying to know what to do. I'm guessing that most sobbing is done alone.
It is overwhelming to realize that unhappiness can grow to such proportions in a human being. That it can become bigger than your mind can deal with and almost bigger than your physical body can handle. When you are convulsing, it's like your body is saying "There should be a better way for me to handle this, a more efficient way to provide relief, but this thing is just too damn big and this is the best that I can do."
I am betting that there a hell of a lot of tears being privately shed around the world. Probably a good thing. Maybe it's good to release that steam before the top blows off, or before you end up swallowing emotion-smothering pills to keep Nurse Ratched off your ass.
I haven't sobbed in a long time and I'm glad. I'm taking the approach that my mind is s-l-o-w-l-y making sense of things and that my adjustment to functioning in society is coming along nicely. But you never know. I'm dreaming big things right now and expending major effort. Failure is not an option.
There could be more sobbing in my future. If so, I'll try to read the message. Keep the lines of communication between my mind, soul and body directly open immediately after the episode for as long as possible. That is probably the most honest and deeply raw glimpse into my soul I'm ever going to get. I'd be willing to shed a few tears for that vision.
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