Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Perspective Re-Aligned

Today I am going to talk about fluffy kittens and playful puppy dogs, newborn infants and the baby Jesus, delicate flower arrangements, sugar, spice and everything nice, peace, love and understanding.
I have been a very angry man for a few weeks now. I think you may have noticed. Some of that anger was misplaced. Some of it misdirected.
First of all, I have been sick for a couple of weeks now. I think Carol thinks I'm a baby when I'm sick. She doesn't come out and say it because she is too considerate, but she told me I don't talk to her when I get sick. Apparently sitting silently and brooding. Part of my brain believes that all men are babies when they are sick. But I prefer to intellectualize my position.
I believe that I get angry when I am sick because I still have to work. I believe it is a basic human right to rest when you are sick. Dignity. Possibly a silly point of view. Everybody works sick. That's why everybody keeps getting sick.
I have been working my ass off for weeks now. So has everybody else in Store 072. I have been getting paid for those hours. I need that money. So in reality it is a good thing. The schedule has slowed down my convalescence but it has not slowed down my checking account. That's life, baby.
I don't like being a part timer because it does not allow you the dignity of choice. If work opportunities arise, you have to take advantage. If you are sick you cannot choose to stay home because you won't get paid.
It is my fault that I am a part timer and nobody else's. I interviewed for a position that was way over my head. Did it for the experience. And it was a good and entertaining experience. A Tribunal of Self Important Execs evaluating my capabilities. I'm sure they were as amused with me as I was with them. Applied for a couple of full time jobs that were mysteriously taken off the table. Never even got the chance to interview.
That's life in corporate America, baby. It's my responsibility to keep trying if I want to improve my lot in life. Ebenezer Scrooge is not going to double my salary for showing up late for work on the day after Christmas. Even if I was making quite merry.
I do not respect the liquor commission executives. But the truth is I don't respect most executives. The "skills" it takes to become an executive are in direct opposition to the skills it takes to be a genuine human being.
But that truth exists in every organization.
So..................
I do not want to leave the booze business. I am older and tired and I do not want to start again somewhere else. Besides I have done one hell of a lot of research in  the world of booze. It would be a shame to waste that knowledge.
I have to find a way to become a full timer. At least that way I am guaranteed a regular paycheck. Until they decide to replace me with a Capuchin monkey.
Maybe move up through the ranks to manage or assist in managing a store. I can cover my pride with designer, semi-sweet chocolate and swallow it quite efficiently.
I must also continue my quest for independence through the written word. That is where my soul lies. I can never give that up. If I did, I would shrivel up and die like the wicked witch of the west after being doused with a bucket of water.
I am feeling a little better today. Not as good as I think I should after all this time, but a little more me. So I'm seeing things a little more honestly.
Life is a cheese grater and we are all Pecorino. The object is to adapt your shape as life shreds bits and pieces of you away.
Today I am adapting.

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