And so it's my birthday. And what have I done.
Spent the last two weeks staggering, tripping, lurching and crawling just to get here. Six days at The Booze Emporium, one day on Christmas to breathe in love. Three more days, then one very sick one on the recliner, then New Year's Eve Eve and finally, New Year's Eve at TBE. Been very sick, it has been very rugged.
And here I am. January 1, 2012. I have always loved that my birthday is on New Year's Day. It adds a touch of magic and awe, makes it a little more special.
I'm not sure my parents felt the same magic. I screwed them out of a tax deduction for 1953 and I wasn't even the first kid born in the new year. On top of that my birth was a difficult one and I was dragged out with a pointed head. My father thought there was something wrong with me. He may have been right.
I was born on January 1, 1954. My father, Tony, was born on June 15, 1920. That always sounded so ancient to me when I was a kid. Until I got older and had heard all the stories and appreciated what a different and very cool time that was. My father was born in Isernia, Italy. That alone is very cool and what he overcame to make it in this country as a kid, not even speaking the language when the family first came over, is strong stuff.
1954 never sounded ancient to me but I bet it does to my kids. That is one of those weird things about life. We all live the same life and think that we don't. My grandfather was born in 1890 and I bet my Dad thought that sounded ancient.
I think about the changes my grandfather and father witnessed in their lives and it is mind blowing. I think about the world changing in my 58 years. When I was born there were no eight tracks, cassettes, Cd's, boom boxes, desk top computers, cell phones, microwaves, remote controls, automatic car starters and lock and unlock thingys, and a million other things I don't have the energy to remember right now. Carol and I were making quite merry last night.
THERE WERE NO BEATLES, FOR CHRIST SAKE.
And now I hold this tiny device in my hand that holds all of the music I have loved and collected in my lifetime, literally at my fingertips.
I can dig it. I like it. Change is good. I became all about change in 2011.
I did a very dangerous thing last year. I created hope. I convinced myself that I could change my life. And I dedicated myself to doing that. After decades of hiding and avoiding hope, I gave birth to it, put it out there in the open and used it to get me moving. I may have set myself up for the ultimate heartbreak. But I don't think so.
My life has always fit me like a cheap suit. You put the damn thing on trying to look good, but its tight across the back, the sleeves are a little too short, it bunches up at the waist when you button it. You know it doesn't fit, everybody who knows you understands that it is a cheap suit, but you keep putting the damn thing on day after day after decade after half a life.
I am not going to wear that suit anymore. I am going to fit myself with a buttery soft, tailored suit that fits me like my own skin. When I walk out of the house wearing that suit people will stop and stare, thinking "my god that suit must have cost $3500." I am the only one who knows that suit cost me 43 years of my life.
I have a taste for it because the personal part of my life has always fit me like a tailored suit. I met Carol Sargent in 1972, she became my wife in 1978, Keith was born in 1980, Craig in 1983. Keith married Emily and Craig is a-courting Karen. These people define my life. They make it beautiful. They are my warmth, my light, my peace, my love. My brother is amazing. I need to create a new word to describe him other than brother because he transcends that. I love him, I respect him, he is intelligent and funny and sensitive. He is a genuine human being in all the best characteristics possible. I have made close, amazing friends along the way and I am grateful. My man Patrick called me last night to wish me a happy birthday and I thought that was so cool. He's a goddamn jets fan, you wouldn't think he would have the sensitivity to think about a friend on his birthday.
I'm creating a new tradition this year. Joe Testa's Open House Birthday Bash. I never forced my family to celebrate my birthday because January 1 is a tough day for everyone. Unfortunately what began to happen is that it just didn't get celebrated. I let it go because I thought less of myself then.
No more.
Might only have four people over here today. They are people I care about. And we will have a good time. Nothing formal. Easy flowing and easy going. I want to have a good time on my birthday. What I envision is this thing evolving over the years to the point where maybe I have 15 or 20 people over here. Once people realize that I will not give in, and this is the way I want my birthday celebrated, they will plan for it.
Today marks the beginning of a new way to celebrate the birth of Joseph Richard Testa.
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